$MSTR announces BTC Yield of 13.7% and BTC $ Gain of $5.8B year-to-date, doubles capital plan to $42B equity and $42B fixed income to purchase bitcoin, and increases BTC Yield target from 15% to 25% and BTC $ Gain target from $10B to $15B for 2025.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while traders pondered, weak and weary, Bitcoin quietly built a base at $93,500. Suddenly! With less drama than a bureaucrat’s paperwork but more flair than a Muscovite magician, it bounded through the $95,500 barrier. Bulls cheered, bears grumbled, and someone spilled their vodka in surprise.
It was on the first of May, beneath the indifferent sun, that Sky’s DAO forum—some would call it a marketplace of earnest, faceless squabbling—was graced by a proposal. In brief, the Sky (SKY) token, starched and well-coiffed, would claim the governance scepter from the tired, slightly frayed Maker (MKR). Progress… if you squint hard enough.
So, what do the wise fortune-tellers—err, analysts—whisper? If SHIB can leap over the magical threshold (just shy of $0.000018), it might double in price. Naturally, this would be a cause for celebration across 152,700 wallets—making Thanksgiving look like a tea party.
On the fateful day of April 30th—back when folks still remembered their passwords—the U.S. Treasury published the minutes of the grand confab held April 29, 2025. The main attraction? Stablecoins. Yep, a whole bunch of well-dressed worrywarts, Federal Reserve moguls, and slick industry types got together to talk about these newfangled digital dollars (that miraculously stay the same value, or so they promise), and how they’re making old-fashioned financial markets shake in their boots.
BTC price surges on ETF optimism and Saylor’s $21B push
With a flourish worthy of a St. Petersburg impresario, Kraken announced on May 1st that this acquisition would grant US customers a taste of the forbidden fruit—traditional derivatives! What a world: one moment you’re trading Dogecoin, the next you’re neck-deep in good old-fashioned futures. The bankers fainted, the crypto kids shrugged, and the Kraken’s tentacles stretched ever wider, promising a market for every flavor of financial excess. 🍸
Crypto hotshot Axel Adler (he’s not related to me, but you never know—everyone is a cousin in crypto), comes waltzing in with a sizzling on-chain metric: apparently the magic Bitcoin momentum ratio is sitting pretty at 0.8—like 80%, but no fancy tip! Historically, every time this ratio shows up, the market goes nuts. Think 2017! Think 2021! Think “I should’ve bought more bitcoin and less Blockbuster stock!”
On Thursday, a statement—the kind that usually causes stockbrokers to spill their morning espresso—revealed the lucky half-dozen public names: Qatar National Bank, Saudi National Bank, First Abu Dhabi Bank, Emirates NBD, Commercial Bank of Dubai, and Bank ABC. The other two prefer the lurking-in-the-shadows method; one assumes they’re off somewhere congratulating themselves on their mysteriousness.
First quarter of 2025: Tether’s dollar herd thickened by another $7 billion. As if that wasn’t enough, 46 million new wallets appeared, a thirteen percent jump like mice breeding in a grain silo. Guess folks are so spooked by regular banks they trust a stablecoin named after a sea monster. If you’re reading this and you don’t have a Tether wallet, you’re officially behind the times—and possibly living blissfully off the grid.
