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The pronouncements were made during Taipei Blockchain Week, a gathering of gentlemen and ladies earnestly discussing the future of… well, you know. A billion dollars, they say! A rather ambitious figure, even for those who believe Bitcoin will finally replace, say, actual currency. They’ve already secured a paltry $200 million in initial commitments. From regional partners. One assumes they were sufficiently incentivized. Perhaps with promises of future yachts. 🛥️

In a move that shocked absolutely no one (but still got a few “oohs” and “aahs”), Bullish (NYSE: BLSH) announced on Sept. 5 that its German sidekick, Bullish Europe GmbH, has been crowned by the German Federal Financial Supervisory Authority (BaFin) under the European Union’s Markets in Crypto-Assets Regulation (MiCAR). 🎉

Last week, WLFI’s project team, perhaps channeling the spirit of a stern schoolmaster, blacklisted Sun’s wallet. Naturally, Sun took to the noisy agora of social media to bewail this frostbitten fate, pleading for mercy and warning that such acts only sow seeds of mistrust among investors, who might prefer their tokens less encased in digital ice.

To make things even more interesting, the Nasdaq seems to have a soft spot for crypto treasury firms. Yes, they are into that now. Yesterday, in a completely unrelated twist, their big campaign to scrutinize crypto firms sent stock prices tumbling across the board. So, naturally, today’s listing is like a much-needed cup of chamomile tea to calm things down.

This is the first Solana ETF ever, but let’s be real: it’s just a fancy way to say, “Hey, invest your money while we stake it and hope the blockchain doesn’t crash. You get 5.5-7.5% returns! Or a firework. Both are exciting!” 🚀

This act, resembling an old bureaucrat slamming shut his ledger with a self-satisfied grunt, instantly put $100 million out of reach-unless you can convince the contract itself to forgive. The crowd in the marketplace, always eager for drama, whispered that Sun himself had gone on a selling spree so wild, even Gogol’s notorious nose would’ve sniffed it out before supper time. The fallout? Prices collapsed faster than a government promise during Lent.

The internet, ever so classy, immediately picked up on the juicy tidbits and started asking the million-dollar question: “When will we get our spot ETFs for XRP, huh?” Spoiler alert: the answer’s probably not tonight.

The hosts, two weary sages in corduroy, summoned David Hartmann, a man who spoke of XRP like it was the last loaf of bread in a breadless world. “It’s a bridge,” he said, as if crossing a chasm with a stick and a prayer.

Enter Joao Wedson, a man with a plan (and a very catchy name) who believes Bitcoin’s future is tied to one thing: its four-year cycle. Now, he’s predicting that Bitcoin’s bubble might just pop around 2026, and not gently, mind you – think more of a $50,000 floor and less of a soft landing. You see, Bitcoin tends to peak around 18 months after its halving events (which, by the way, sounds like the title of a medieval fantasy novel). According to Wedson, this time won’t be different – or at least, that’s what history would suggest. Hold onto your digital wallets, folks.

Sentiment has been as lively as a graveyard lately, but whispers of new upgrades have begun to stir the crypts. Could this be the resurrection we’ve all been waiting for? Or just another false prophet promising salvation?