Currency Forecast

Crypto ETF issuer 21Shares, which clearly has a thing for three-digit numbers, filed its prospectus and plans to launch this week. Or maybe next week. The exact date remains a mystery, like the last sock in a laundry pile. This will be the third Dogecoin ETF, joining Grayscale and Bitwise’s offerings, which launched last year like they were auditioning for a reality show called Dogecoin: The Comeback Trail.

Standard Chartered, that enigmatic oracle of capital, peers into the abyss of 2030 and sees Ethereum’s redemption arc-though its 2026 forecast lies prostrate, battered by Bitcoin’s melancholy. 📉

Weekends and holidays, those bane of all activity, do indeed slow the pace, yet once the tides of settlement resume, the momentum returns with vigor. What is most telling, however, is that the rebound has surpassed recent local highs, suggesting a growing involvement rather than a single actor’s whimsy. 🕵️‍♀️

Unlike prior rallies-where Bitcoin looked like a toddler trying to ride a tricycle-this time, selling pressure is lighter. Is it a sign of strength? Or just everyone’s Wi-Fi being too slow to panic? 🤷♂️📶

Vitalik Buterin, the modern-day prophet, doth march against Elon Musk’s promise of transparency. He seeks not mere open-source code, but systems that test algorithmic decisions-like a child demanding a mirror to see his own face! 🤖🎭

This new Nigeria Tax Administration Act of 2025, a name that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, insists that all chaps offering virtual asset services – those crypto exchanges and the like – must gather an alarming amount of personal data. Names, addresses, your Tax Identification Number (TIN, good grief!), and, most unsettling of all, your National Identity Number (NIN). 😱 As if one doesn’t have enough numbers to keep track of already!

All this happened in, oh, only 62 minutes. Sixty-two minutes! Which, when you consider the vastness of space and the impending heat death of the universe, is frankly an absurdly short amount of time to move around $151.3 million worth of anything. Especially digital tokens. 🤷

Like its more serious brethren-Bitcoin and Ethereum-Dogecoin has succumbed to gravity, tumbling below the once-sturdy $0.1500 floor. From there, it plunged through $0.1450 and $0.1420 with the grace of a drunken nobleman.

In a tragicomic twist, Ethereum stumbled at the gates of $3,150, trimming its gains much like a careless barber at a royal salon. Alas, it has dipped below $3,120, entering a realm most bearish indeed.

Old Bitcoin’s managed to cling on above $89,500, bless its cotton socks, and started a modest recovery. It’s settled above $90,000 and $90,500, like a fellow finding his footing after a spot of overindulgence.