Currency Forecast

According to Orbital’s Stablecoin Retail Payments Index, the crypto industry, that eternal wanderer between madness and reason, has finally found its footing, trading the feverish dance of speculation for the solemn ritual of practicality. A curious turn of events, is it not? 🌀

The crypto titan, with a wave of his hand, dismisses whispers of collusion with the Trump clan or their World Liberty Financial. “Nonsense,” he declares, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “I’d sooner dance with shadows than deal with such theatrics.” 💃

In the dusty plains of the crypto frontier, long-term holders have started lightening their saddlebags, their once-steady hands now trembling like a leaf in a dust storm. Fund manager James Lavish, a man who’s seen more market swings than a saloon door, notes that over 400,000 BTC have been dumped in a single month. That’s enough to make even the most grizzled cowboy gulp his whiskey. “Sentiment’s drier than a bone in the Mojave,” Lavish drawls, his voice heavy with the weight of a market gone from hootin’ and hollerin’ to whisperin’ and worryin’ in the blink of an eye. 🤠

So, Wall Street’s suddenly obsessed with crypto. BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF is breaking records, which I guess is…something. Fidelity and VanEck are jumping on the bandwagon, and even the Nasdaq’s hinting at a digital makeover. It’s all very exciting for the people who wear suspenders and shout on CNBC, but here’s the thing: none of it is actually happening on the blockchain. It’s like ordering a salad and getting a picture of a salad. Disappointing, really.

So, this Alex Thorn fellow – a veteran analyst, which means he’s been watching things go up and down for a while – was having a chinwag with CNBC (whatever that is) and confessed he’s lowered his expectations for Bitcoin. From a dazzling $185,000 to a… well, still quite a lot, $120,000. But a downgrade nonetheless!😱

Ah, Midnight! That little sidechain project of Cardano, wrapped in mystery, and focused on privacy. Of course, 60% of Hoskinson’s posts are dedicated to it-because why not? It’s not like he’s busy running an entire blockchain or anything. Midnight has its own foundation, a flashy marketing department, and is out there making partnerships. A quarter of his posts, though, still talk about Cardano-governance, scalability, community milestones. Yes, the things we actually care about. The rest, a modest 15%, is dedicated to showing how Cardano and Midnight are besties-integrated, like peas in a pod, or more appropriately, two blockchain peas in a privacy-focused pod.

Blockchain detectives (aka people with too much time) confirmed the wallet torched a delightful cocktail of worthless tokens totaling $49k. The main victims? QUQ ($30.5k – ouch), SIREN ($14.2k – ironic name), and BNBCARD ($4.3k – which sounds like something you’d find in a cereal box). Poof! Gone. Like my motivation on Mondays.

Trump Media and Technology Group Corp. (Nasdaq, NYSE Texas: DJT), the proud curator of Truth Social, unveiled its Q3 2025 financial tapestry. The company boasts $3.1 billion in total assets-cash, restricted cash, short-term investments, trading securities, and digital assets. One might call it a financial mosaic… or a Rorschach test for sanity. 🎨

RealFi, you see, is no ordinary beast. It preys upon the underserved, the forgotten souls of the financial wilderness, offering them morsels of credit, tiny loans that bloom like flowers in the desert. And lo, the interest, that sweet nectar, binds the blockchain to the mortal realm of finance! 🌱💰

In the sacred scrolls of the SEC’s 13-F filing, we find JPMorgan hoarding 5.2 million IBIT shares by September 30th, a 64% surge in zeal-like a miser clutching gold, yet trembling at its own greed. 💰 Yet lo, this pile, once worth $333 million, now dwindles to $312 million, as if the market itself mocks their ambition. 🤡