Your Bitcoin Just Got a Whole Lot More Fun (And Slightly Less Confusing)

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Well, look at that. Square, the fancy checkout kids of Jack Dorsey’s Block Inc., decided to throw Bitcoin into the mix. Because, why not? 💸🤷‍♂️

The grand plan? Merchants will now be able to accept Bitcoin payments on their little POS devices. Yup, you read that right—cash registers are about to get a crypto makeover. Dorsey’s tweet confirmed it. Because if Jack says it’s happening, who’s going to argue?

square sellers on bitcoin starting today

— jack (@jack) July 22, 2025

This new scheme rides the lightning—literally—using the Bitcoin Lightning Network. Faster, cheaper, and not as painful as your last breakup. Merchants can choose to either hold onto their Bitcoin like a squirrel hoarding nuts or turn it into boring old fiat in seconds. Because who wants volatility to ruin their day? 🐿️💼

The rollout is a baby step, a teaser before a bigger, bolder Bitcoin future set for 2026. It’s designed so both corner shops and mega-retailers can jump on the bandwagon without needing a PhD in blockchain. And oh, it’s cheaper than your average credit card fees—meaning more profit, less guilt. 🚀

Meanwhile, Block isn’t just dabbling. Oh no, they’ve got a treasure chest of 8,584 BTC, a fancy wallet called Bitkey, and some Bitcoin mining stuff. Plus, they’re happily throwing 10% of Bitcoin profits into buying even more Bitcoin. Classic hoarding behavior—tech style. 💎

And for good measure, they’re lobbying for less confusing rules and tax breaks for small Bitcoin transactions. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like influencing legislation. Thanks, politicians! 🏛️

Now, you’re probably thinking, “But what about the customers and merchants who still think Bitcoin is a new Pokémon?” Well, Block’s got that covered with automatic conversion and easy setup. Like training wheels for crypto newbies. 🚲

Oh, and here’s the kicker: Square might be debuting on the S&P 500 the same day it launches Bitcoin payments. Because timing is everything, right? They’re positioning themselves as the cool kid on the block—fintech, crypto, and perhaps a little bit of chaos. 🤹‍♂️

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2025-07-23 10:05