You’ll Never Believe What Sent Bitcoin to the Moon This Time 🚀🍊

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Stop the presses! Donald Trump just pulled another trade deal out of his hair—maybe this is why it’s so… voluminous? Anyway, he’s signed America’s first UK trade pact since those April tariffs flipped the world’s Lexus supply into witness protection.

Taking a break from his To-Do list (“1. Tweet. 2. Golf. 3. Fix all trade ever.”), Trump swaggered onto Truth Social. He declared, with the subtlety of a marching band in a library, that this deal will rake in $6 billion in external revenue from 10% tariffs. Yes, six BILLION—which is also the number of times he says “tremendous” in a week.

The deal reportedly opens $5 billion in new export opportunities for America’s farmers, ranchers, and producers. Ranchers, prepare your lasso and your best British accent. It’ll also create a super exciting aluminum and steel trading zone, which is basically the nightclub of the metal world. Plus, we get a pharmaceutical supply chain, so at least someone is thinking about your headaches.

“Today is an incredible day for America as we deliver our first Fair, Open, and Reciprocal Trade Deal — Something our past Presidents never cared about. Together with our strong Ally, the United Kingdom, we have reached the first, historic Trade Deal since Liberation Day.”

Next up: Bitcoin saw all this and decided to do a little victory dance. The icon of cryptocurrencies is strutting around at $102,644.00, up 5.86%. Does Bitcoin actually know what’s in the deal? No. But like us, it just wants attention.

Bitcoin = happy. Markets = jazz hands. Britain = probably watching cricket.

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2025-05-10 00:03