You Won't Believe Which Crypto Survived This Week’s Bloodbath 😱💰

Biggest gainers: Virtuals Protocol [VIRTUAL], Solayer [LAYER], and Monero [XMR].
Biggest losers: Official Trump [TRUMP], Worldcoin [WLD], and Optimism [OP].

There once was a week in crypto, and what a peculiar week it was. Money whirled, coins soared, coins tumbled—ah, such is the eternal dance of fortune and despair! In the land of electronic dreams, even the air felt heavier, scented with the musk of opportunity and the stench of regret.

The atmosphere improved, if only as much as one might cheer up after their mother-in-law leaves town, when the SEC decided to clutch its lawsuits a little less tightly. Meanwhile, titans such as Binance and MGX clinked imaginary champagne over a $2 billion deal (which probably consisted mostly of zeroes and caffeine). Far away, Metaplanet in Japan plotted to lure Bitcoin into their nets; truly, a fisherman’s patience with a banker’s ambition.

Yet it was the little tokens—the runts and wildcards—that pirouetted into the spotlight. Speculators drew close, sniffing out risk the way a dog sniffs an overturned bucket of chicken.

Weekly winners

Virtuals Protocol [VIRTUAL] – AI-focused token played a game of chicken, won (so far)

Virtuals Protocol [VIRTUAL] strutted onto center stage, braying about its 42.32% run. With all the gravitas of a rooster at sunrise, having crowed past the $1 fence, it found sellers lurking like suspicious aunts at a wedding buffet. Yet the bulls nosed in, indignant and rowdy.

The week opened with a 31.20% breakout—some shorts found themselves vaporized faster than cheap vodka at a Russian wedding.

VIRTUAL clawed up to $1.80 before running out of steam. Sellers now reload, plotting, while VIRTUAL appears about as energetic as a bureaucrat after lunch. A technical breather, they say, as long as $1.50 doesn’t also slip away like loose change from an old coat pocket.

OI tumbled 11%, and $2.08 million in longs at $1.80 got liquidated—one can only imagine the collective mutterings. Volume cratered 20%. At $1.53, the mood is somber, sellers watching with the glee of petty officials denied a bribe. Still, if the bulls hold $1.50, they might yet have another tale to tell.

Solayer [LAYER] – Blockchain hardware: When in doubt, just add “hardware”

Solayer [LAYER] soared 22% with as much subtlety as a man winning at cards and shouting about it in a quiet café. $3.20 in sight, it broke records, cackled, then promptly stubbed its toe with a late-day -6.75% stumble (cruel irony, as ever).

But optimism—like soup at a canteen—was refilled quickly. Dips produced buyers. Markets are apparently still in the mood, and volume leaped 144%, as if buyers had just been told there’s free pelmeni across the street. Provided nothing catastrophic descends, LAYER looks poised to climb further, unless hardware goes out of fashion (never underestimate fashion).

Monero [XMR] – Privacy fanatics rejoice! For now, anyway.

Monero [XMR] shrugged off its long nap and zipped 18% higher, breaking its chains and making a sudden dash for $391. Unfortunately, exuberance was short-lived—in true Chekhovian fashion, joy faded as quickly as it arrived, retracing to $258 before anyone had time to refill the samovar.

Volume wilted, RSI drooped, and LTHs (long-term holders, not “lamentable table hoppers”) quietly snuggled profits into their coats. Bears circle, as always, but if $240-$250 holds strong, perhaps there is life in the old coin yet.

Other notable gainers

Some coins, starved for attention, did their best to outshine the sun—or at least a second-rate chandelier. Mansory Token [MNSRY]: up 107%, REVOX [REV]: 105%, TROLL [TROLL]: 100%. If only attention paid the rent.

Weekly losers

Official Trump [TRUMP] – From memecoin glory to hangover in one week

TRUMP—never a stranger to drama—spilled 26.66%, plummeting from grace. “Dinner with Trump” could hardly save the price, although perhaps it gave a few indigestion.

Volume and nerves dried up. Five large holders, their patience and presumably their nerves exhausted, dumped tokens onto Bybit with all the subtlety of a marching band at a chess tournament.

TRUMP now clings to support, daring the bulls to care. Derivatives market is quietly de-risking, like a crowd quietly leaving a dull play at intermission. If $8 breaks, the next stop might be obscurity (or reality TV).

Worldcoin [WLD] – When “World” is just a metaphor for sinking hopes

WLD slumped 21%, unable to hold its brief dance above $1. Market cap limped to $1.24 billion—hardly small change, unless, of course, you’re comparing to Apple’s couch cushions.

Volume down, mood down, prospects—well, possibly consolidating, possibly plotting a comeback. RSI at 80 suggests some greedy hands are reopening purses. Optimistic onlookers eye a reversal; the more jaded merely yawn.

For now, it’s all talk and candles. Will we see a higher low? Or just more hand-wringing? Stay tuned.

Optimism [OP] – Less optimism, more quiet resignation

Optimism [OP] lost 17%, opening with bravado and quickly devolving into ceaseless sighs. It bounced, then face-planted, with a market volume declining faster than good bread at a bad wedding.

Support hovers around $0.62, everyone holding their breath. Will it bounce, or will bears have their day? It’s crypto: chaos by design.

Other notable losers

Elsewhere, the guillotine came down. WEMIX [WEMIX] saw 50% vanish. Hyperlane [HYPER] and Synapse [SYN] down 31% and 30%. Commercial breaks for humble pie.

Conclusion

So passes another week in crypto: dreams, dust, indecent profits, stricter losses, all mingling in the twilight. Markets remain volatile, wallets remain tense. Fortune? Elusive. Regret? Free with every transaction. 😂💸

2025-05-04 22:26

You Won’t Believe Which Crypto Survived This Week’s Bloodbath 😱💰