You Won’t Believe Which Companies Are Hoarding Bitcoin (And It’s Not Just MicroStrategy!)

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Alright, listen to this: a report pops up from something called ‘MicroStrategist|BitcoinPower.Law’—and let me tell you, already I’m suspicious, because you put “Power” and “Law” into a name, you’re clearly compensating for something. Anyway, the gist? Companies everywhere are in an absolute frenzy, scooping up Bitcoin for their treasuries like it’s the last toilet paper during a pandemic.

MicroStrategy: King of the Bitcoin Hill… For Now 🏔️

MicroStrategy’s the top dog. No question. They’re sitting on 582,000 BTC. That’s 2.771% of all the Bitcoin out there. I have socks older than some of these companies, and this one’s already got a dragon’s hoard. Meanwhile, the next guy, Marathon Digital? Only 49,179 BTC. That’s a rounding error to MicroStrategy. It’s like showing up to a knife fight with a really angry hamster.

But, here’s the kicker: when you sit at the top, everyone expects you to keep stacking coins like Mario on mushrooms. The catch? Can you keep raiding the bond market for more cash, or is someone gonna finally say, “Hey buddy, let’s see some receipts.”

Bitcoin’s Chart: More Vague “Up and to the Right” Stuff 📈

Surprise, surprise—Bitcoin’s trading above its so-called “power law trendline.” This means it’s rocketing up as usual, until it smashes into a wall, probably. Predictions are flying around like seagulls at a boardwalk:

  • $336,000 by 2030
  • $998,000 by 2035 (Yeah, okay, and I propose Larry David, President. Why not?)

Bitcoin apparently jumped 61.3% last year and another 3.4% this month. It’s at $107,036, so depending on when you read this, either I sound like a genius or like the guy quoting AOL dial-up stats in 2025. And get this: because of some “M2 pause,” it might go up more—if you can wait 12 weeks. Or 12 years. Who knows?

Little Guys Trying to Crash the Party 🦦

The so-called “agile accumulators” are smaller firms piling into Bitcoin at breakneck speed. Investors love a good underdog—until they don’t.

Let’s take a look at the cast of characters:

  • Semler Scientific: 3,808 BTC stashed away. Over 1,424 brought home just in 2025. But, they’ve also got some legal drama over a medical device—$29.75 million settlement. Nothing says “responsible finance” like dodging the feds while buying crypto!
  • ALTBG: 620 BTC, worth a lazy $66 million. Supposedly warming up for a shopping spree. Someone’s feeling bullish (or reckless—it’s a coin flip).
  • MetaPlanet: 8,888 BTC. Because apparently that’s lucky, or someone really, really likes the number eight? Valued at nearly a billion bucks. Experts recommend “caution”—which in finance-speak means, “Look out below!”
  • Smarter Web (SWC): 10.6 BTC. That’s basically a rounding error on MicroStrategy’s coffee fund. But get this: 9.6% daily BTC yield. That sounds too good, like a late-night infomercial. “Act now or lose everything!”
  • Also Read:
  • Michael Saylor Backs Japan’s Metaplanet After Record-Breaking BTC Push (Because apparently, you need Saylor’s blessing to buy Bitcoin now. Who knew?)

The Hype Cycle: There’s Always a Downside 🚨

Word to the wise: if a company’s got a sky-high NAV and the “days to close” stretch longer than a Curb Your Enthusiasm monologue, just assume it’s overhyped. Slow down the Bitcoin grab, watch the stock tank faster than my patience at a dinner party with gluten-free bread.

Picking the “Smart Stackers” (If They Even Exist)

If you want to join this circus, find a company that stacks Bitcoin fast, but doesn’t forget that, you know, eventually somebody wants to see a profit. Try mNAV, DTC, and fair value charts. That’s Wall Street code for “just Google it.” And if the price is already spiking like it’s got caffeine jitters, maybe step aside until reality slaps everyone else first.

Don’t Let Crypto News Pass You By—Or Do, It’s Your Life 🤷‍♂️

Want to stay a step ahead of the Bitcoin crowd? Or maybe you don’t! I’m not your mother. Anyway, get the hottest headlines, expert (ish) takes, and minute-by-minute hand-wringing for every dip and pump. NFT news? Sure. DeFi? Whatever that means. We’ve got it. Or not. Who can say?

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2025-06-16 14:59