Picture, if you will, a collection of financial institutions so colossal, so unfathomably large, that when they get out of bed in the morning, it causes minor gravitational disturbances in New York. We’re talking about entities shepherding a cool $10 trillion in client assets—enough money to buy Luxembourg, fill it with gold statues, and still have enough left over for a Mars-adjacent summer home. Now, these behemoths may soon bless Bitcoin with their presence, which probably makes Bitcoin straighten its tie and wonder where it left its good shoes.
ETFs and the Mildly Annoying Art of Arrival 🚦
When the U.S. spot Bitcoin ETFs erupted onto the market in January 2024, everyone expected wirehouses (which, if you don’t know, are not trendy coffee shops, but rather stodgy financial fortresses) to welcome them with trembling, excited arms. The Bitwise CIO, one Matt Hougan, boldly declared the platforms would do so by mid-2024. We’re past mid-2024 now, the wires are still in their houses, and somewhere a Bitcoin ETF is sitting in the waiting room reading a decade-old issue of “Fortune” magazine, sighing dramatically.
The arrival, though tardy, remains “inevitable.” Which, in ETF terms, means: “Any day now! We promise! Just don’t hold your breath, unless you’re a whale.”
Wirehouse Access: Like Putting Bitcoin Next to the Gluten-Free Kale Chips
Should the wirehouses deign to let Bitcoin ETFs onto their sacred trading screens, it could quadruple access to crypto—so says Hougan, and some other wise heads at Bloomberg. That’s not just “putting it on the map.” That’s dropping it into the middle of Times Square on New Year’s Eve, with neon signs and maybe a dancing Satoshi Nakamoto bobblehead.
Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas even compared it to “getting a product on the shelf at Whole Foods,” which, as any quinoa manufacturer will tell you, basically guarantees an influx of curious shoppers wondering if this new thing will help them time-travel or improve their skin. Get ready: as the year’s end approaches, everyone’s watching these buttoned-up financial gatekeepers to see if they’ll finally let Bitcoin ETFs join the coat-and-tie club. No pressure, friends.
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2025-04-30 15:08