Why Wall Street Bankers Secretly Cry at Night: The Wild Crypto Bargain Nobody Expected

by

Darling, the head honcho at Pantera Capital—one Dan Morehead, who certainly knows his bull from his bear—has declared the crypto bazaar to be such a bargain that even your most miserly uncle would weep with joy (and possibly misplace his monocle). Apparently, right now is a positively glittering moment to scoop up digital assets before everyone else realises what they’re missing. 💸

While taking to the stage at TOKEN2049 in Dubai (because, really, why have one number when you could have four?), Morehead suggested that Trump—yes, that Trump—might tip the scales in crypto’s favour with some regulatory razzle-dazzle. Let’s take a moment to imagine: a crystal ball, an election, genies all over the shop, and the crypto crowd running the place!


“If, by some twist of fate and very pliable reality, you saw a pro-crypto leader commandeer the helm, Congress purged of the ‘no-coiners’, Bitcoin kept in a strategic reserve and executive orders whizzing about—well, if after all that the market only tiptoed up by a mere 35%, you’d be accused of mistaking your martini for Absinthe! 🍸

So while everyone’s wringing their hands and fainting onto chaise lounges, I regard the market as so cheap it’s practically indecent. Our Bitcoin fund’s been strutting around with an 85% compound annual growth rate for 13 years, so really, being up 35% in a few months is utterly yawn-worthy. Yes, we’re still infuriatingly bullish. The winds of policy change are swirling; do bring an umbrella.”

He then tossed a subtle grenade at stocks, suggesting that the poor things are terribly overvalued—rather like designer handbags during sale season. If you must compare, Bitcoin’s up a chummy 50% year-on-year, while the S&P 500 limps in with a meagre 8%—it’d barely buy you a decent brunch.


“Stocks and bonds are now so expensive even Lord Grantham would balk, especially after factoring in tariffs, slower growth, and inflation so high it makes my morning toast blush. If you crave excitement and don’t wish to die of boredom (or negative yields), steer clear of all those ‘old school’ assets clogging the portfolio like last season’s tweed. Either bond yields must make a dramatic entrance or someone must deflate those stock prices posthaste.”


Read More

2025-05-14 23:06