Why Ethereum’s Pre-Mined Circus Deserves a Standing Ovation 🎪💥

PlanB, that ol’ Bitcoin oracle with a knack for Stock-to-Flow mumbo jumbo, done took a jab at Ethereum just as ETH’s price and clout started slippin’ faster than a greased pig at the county fair.

His rant’s all about how Ethereum, the second fiddle in this crypto hoedown, ain’t exactly the virtuoso it claims to be—blaming its switch from the good ol’ Proof of Work to that newfangled Proof of Stake.

Why PlanB Calls Ethereum “Centralized” and “Pre-Mined” (Fancy Words for “This Here’s a Fixer-Upper”)

PlanB dug up some dusty words from Vitalik Buterin back in ’22, where Vitalik warned against trusting the Stock-to-Flow gospel like it was gospel indeed. Seeing his chance, PlanB poked sharp fun at Ethereum, pointing out that the ETH/BTC pair hit rock bottom like a lead balloon. The feller called Ethereum a “shitcoin”—yep, that’s the polite term—blaming it for being centralized, cooked up ahead of time (“pre-mined”), and swapping the sweat-and-toil Proof of Work for that fancy Proof of Stake. Oh, and its supply? As “flexible” as a circus contortionist.

“I reckon it ain’t proper to gloat, but coins like ETH—centralized, premined, PoS instead of PoW, and flipping supply rules like a politician flip-flops—well, they’re just asking for a heap of mockery,” PlanB grinned.

And he ain’t alone in this circus act. Ethereum’s big switcheroo, “The Merge,” chopped its energy use by over 99%, but some brainiacs say it also gummed up the network’s worth in the long haul.

Meltem Demirors, a suit from Crucible Capital, waved her finger and called it a trillion-dollar blunder, complainin’ it mucked up innovation in GPU gear.

PlanB also pointed finger at Ethereum’s pre-mine shenanigans.

Turns out, the early Ethereum whizzes mined up more than 72 million ETH before the public even got a whiff—60% of all ETH flyin’ ’round. That’s like lettin’ a small bunch run the county fair, then complainin’ when they hog all the prizes. Especially under PoS, where the big fish get to call the shots.

“Premining is the biggest red flag waving in the breeze, but some folks just shrug and say ‘meh,’” PlanB quipped.

These bickering words came as Ethereum’s market swagger sank to a five-year low and ETH lost nearly 60% of its shine since last year.

Despite the Hecklers, Ethereum’s Still Dancing at the Big Party

On the flip side, analyst Danny Marques piped up to remind folks that Ethereum’s got punch—it processed more stablecoin transactions this year than Visa, clearing nearly $14 trillion, while Visa lagged at $13 trillion. Over half of the stablecoins twirling in that digital dance hall run on Ethereum.

Investor Wise chimed in, sayin’ Ethereum’s sittin’ pretty with 56% of all real-world asset value, stablecoins and all.

Investor AllThingsEVM.eth reckons Ethereum’s shed some centralization over the years, while Bitcoin’s got the opposite problem—more and more nation-states and big-shot institutions hoardin’ BTC like squirrels with acorns.

“Tell me, what’s gonna happen when Uncle Sam and the Middle Kingdom run most of the Bitcoin miners? Will the network be more decentralized or just another country club? Or maybe BlackRock will get uppity and fork the thing on a whim?”

While the critics yap away, Ethereum’s been hustlin’, plotin’ upgrades like swappin’ out its Ethereum Virtual Machine for a spiffy RISC-V processor—promisin’ faster smart contracts and better scaling, all while keepin’ the old contracts happy.

Well, ain’t crypto a wild rodeo? 🤠💸

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• tag, not repeated as a header. They want all images retained and no tags or color styles. First, I’ll start with the title. The original title is “Hyperliquid Price Reversal, Will Bears Drag HYPE Down to $35?” I need to make it more clickbaity and Terry Pratchett-esque. Maybe something like “Hyperliquid’s Great HYPE-Drama: Bulls vs. Bears in a Deathwobble of Doom 🐂🐻💸” That’s under 100 characters? Let me check: “Hyperliquid’s Great HYPE-Drama: Bulls vs. Bears in a Deathwobble of Doom 🐂🐻💸” – yes, 97 characters. Good. Next, the body. The first paragraph talks about the rollercoaster week with whale activity and liquidations. Terry would probably compare it to something absurd. Maybe a “rollercoaster” isn’t enough. Maybe “the Hyperliquid rollercoaster took a detour through a black hole” or something. Also, mention the whale trader with a humorous twist. Maybe “a certain whale with a penchant for drama and a balance sheet thicker than a fantasy novel” to add that Pratchett flair. The second paragraph about the $19 billion event. Maybe refer to it as “the Great Liquidation of Doom” or something. “fresh on the backdrop” could be “fresh from the annals of ‘Oh My Goodness, Not Again'” to add humor. In the price analysis section, the 8% drop. Terry might compare it to a “graceful swan dive into a puddle of despair.” The market cap and volume up 4.22%-maybe “panic selling and algorithmic trades are having a party where the only music is the sound of wallets sobbing.” The technicals part: slipped below SMA lines. Maybe “HYPE decided to play ‘hot potato’ with its moving averages.” MACD and RSI-describe them as “momentum indicators are throwing a hissy fit” and RSI “hovering near 41 like a nervous pigeon.” The FAQs need to be rewritten with sarcasm. “Why is Hyperliquid underperforming?” could be phrased as “Why is Hyperliquid underperforming? Well, let’s see. It’s like asking why a duck is bad at chess…” Then mention the technical breakdowns and whale shorts as “a perfect storm of technical breakdowns and whale-sized shorts.” Next support level: “The $33-$35 range is the next critical support zone…” Maybe “the $33-$35 range is where hopes go to be gently soothed by Fibonacci fairy dust.” Recovery question: “HYPE needs a sustained close above $41.42…” Maybe “HYPE needs to do the equivalent of a sober caber toss over $41.42.” Throughout, add emojis where appropriate. For example, after mentioning whales, add 🐋💸. In the FAQs, maybe 💩 for the underperforming question. Check for all images retained. The figure tag is there, so leave it as is. Avoid using tags, no color styles. Ensure the title is only in the tag and not as a header. The original had H2 headers, so keep those but maybe tweak the text to be more whimsical. Like “Hyperliquid Price Analysis” becomes “Hyperliquid Price Analysis (Or: The Day the HYPE Died?)” Wait, but the user said not to repeat the title in the body as a header. The original title was “Hyperliquid Price Reversal, Will Bears Drag HYPE Down to $35?” but the new title is different. So the H2 headers should be original, so the first H2 can stay as “Hyperliquid Price Analysis” but maybe add some humor there. Alternatively, maybe “Hyperliquid’s Great Adventure in the Land of Red Arrows” or something. But need to make sure it’s not the same as the title. Also, ensure that the humor is consistent throughout, with a bit of sarcasm and playful language. Avoid markdown, just HTML. Check for any tags and remove them. Use , , , etc., as in the original. Finally, wrap it all in HTML structure with the new title, and ensure emojis are appropriately placed without overdoing it. Let me go through each section step by step and inject the humor, sarcasm, and emojis as per Terry Pratchett’s style.End of Thought (23.26s) Hyperliquid’s Great HYPE-Drama: Bulls vs. Bears in a Deathwobble of Doom 🐂🐻💸

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2025-04-21 15:16