Ah, the markets-a theater of the absurd, where the actors are as predictable as they are tragic. 🦹♂️ Behold, the latest act in this never-ending drama:
What to know:
- Our esteemed U.S. President, Trump, in a fit of what one can only describe as economic pique, announced a 100% additional tariff on China. The result? A crypto crash so dramatic, it made the cherry orchard look stable. 🍒💸
- Bitcoin, that fickle darling of the digital age, plummeted below $110,000, shedding over 10% in 24 hours. ETH, XRP, and SOL followed suit, their prices crashing like a poorly written third act. 📉
- Already reeling from Trump’s earlier threats to hike tariffs on Chinese goods-a response to China’s export controls on rare earth metals-crypto assets were left as battered as a Chekhov protagonist’s hopes. 🥊
Friday, a day that began with the usual ennui of the markets, spiraled into chaos when Trump declared his 100% tariff. Prices cascaded lower in a flash crash, leaving traders clutching their ledgers and weeping into their tea. ☕️
Bitcoin, already wobbling at $117,000 after Trump’s morning musings, tumbled below $110,000-a 12% drop in 24 hours. Ether sank 16% below $3,700, while Solana and other altcoins crashed 20%-30%. Even Chainlink and Aave, those once-proud tokens, fell by as much as 40%. It was a massacre, a financial bloodbath worthy of a Chekhovian finale. 🔪
The market meltdown resulted in over $7 billion in liquidations, according to CoinGlass. Traders who had bet on higher prices were left as destitute as a minor character in The Seagull. 🦅
The latest spat between the U.S. and China began when Trump threatened to increase tariffs on Chinese goods in retaliation for China’s export controls on rare earth metals. Then, in a move as dramatic as a last-minute plot twist, he announced on Truth Social late Friday afternoon that the 100% tariff would begin on November 1. “Also on November 1, we will impose export controls on any and all critical software,” he declared, with all the gravitas of a man who’s just discovered a new way to ruin everyone’s weekend. 📅
Bitcoin fell $3,000 the moment his post went live-a reaction so swift, it rivaled the speed of a Chekhov character’s despair. 🚀
The price action was nothing short of operatic, with analysts comparing it to the March 2020 crash induced by the Covid-19 pandemic. “Covid level nukes,” trader Bob Loukas remarked on X. “Wow, nasty, nasty action. But also a great candidate for the mother of shakeouts,” he added, with the optimism of a man who’s clearly never read The Cherry Orchard. 🍒
“Brutal day,” said Ram Ahluwalia, founder of Lumida Wealth. “The Trump news combined with ‘overbought’ conditions led to a sharp decline.” One can almost hear the faint echo of a violin playing in the distance. 🎻
“I know there are a lot of emotions right now and this flush is in the top 3 all time,” trader Pentoshi posted, adding that altcoins dropped as violently as during the COVID crash. “There are a lot of people in incredible pain right now, myself included in that.” A sentiment so raw, it could only be penned by Chekhov himself. 😢
“The altcoin complex got absolutely eviscerated,” said Zaheer Ebtikar, founder and CIO of crypto hedge fund Split Capital. “We’re at levels not seen in more than a year with regard to altcoins. Full leverage reset and market dislocation.” A financial tragedy, indeed. 🎭
UPDATE (Oct. 10, 2025, 21:55 UTC): Adds updated liquidation figure. Because, of course, the numbers had to get worse. 📉
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2025-10-11 02:43