This Ex-President Just Made $57M In Crypto—You Won’t Believe The Source!

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Ah, Monsieur Trump! L’homme d’affaires who doth flutter from gold-plated towers to the realms of digital coins with naught but a twirl of that imperious coiffure. The Office of Government Ethics, I say, hath unleashed upon the world his 2025 financial disclosure—a tome so weighty (234 pages, dear reader!), ’tis better used to prop up a wobbly table than for any pleasure in perusing.

Voila, it emerges: Over $57 million fetched from World Liberty Financial, a crypto firm whose family ties are tighter than Molière’s tights after a lavish feast. Our star holds in hand enough WLFI tokens to buy a country, or at least to buy a round for everyone at Mar-a-Lago’s next masquerade. 😂💸

Pray attend, for the man doth rake in riches from every corner, as if he were plucking gold coins from the sky! Here’s a breakdown for those who wish to daydream about diversifying one’s purse:

Trump’s Stronghold In Crypto (Or “How I Learned to Love Blockchain”)

In the grand tradition of calling things by grander names, the disclosure hath revealed $57.35 million streamed into Monsieur Trump’s coffers from the sale of tokens linked (familiarly, of course) to World Liberty Financial.

And lo, he holds 15.75 billion governance tokens! Enough tokens to start a new Versailles, or at least a respectable online casino. Surely, this is one for the family ledgers.

Last week, the learned scribes at Forbes (who never met a billionaire they couldn’t write three $1.2 billion gained from this strange new alchemy. Is it magic, or is it marketing? O Fortune, thou art both fickle and fabulous.

Donald Trump is cashing in on crypto. Over the last nine months, beginning slightly before the election, he has stirred up new ventures, new coins, new noise. All of it makes the president money, but how much?
(Photo: Jamel Toppin for Forbes)

— Forbes (@Forbes) June 6, 2025

Curious, isn’t it? Once, Trump dismissed digital coins faster than a valet dismisses a court jester. Now, he hugs them tight, as if each token whispered sweet nothings about yachts and golden bathtubs. Oh, how the mighty change when the coin purse jingles! 🪙😏

Big Profits Beyond Crypto

But wait, as the salesman says, there’s more! For he yet milks those luscious cows of concrete, marble, and overpriced cocktails—his Florida kingdoms (Mar-a-Lago, Doral, Jupiter) bringing in a mere $217 million. Pocket change, messieurs.

His name, effervescent as ever, bestows golden eggs in curious places:

  • $3 million for a coffee table book—surely a page-turner for anyone who prefers pictures to paragraphs.
  • $2.8 million for watches—because time, encore, is money. ⏰
  • $2.5 million for sneakers and fragrances—perhaps both smell faintly of ambition?
  • $1.15 million from NFT licensing—trading the ephemeral for the exorbitant!
  • $1 million from collectible guitars—one wonders: does he play, or only profit?

Add, for good measure, over $700,000 from pontificating to the adoring crowds. Truly, the rivers of revenue flow as abundant as the Seine in spring.

Debts and Legal Troubles Still Loom

Now, before you toss your purse in despair, recall that even the grandest of palaces harbor a moth or two. The filings list over $100 million in unpaid real estate loans—creditors circling like Parisian pigeons. Legal battles? Mais oui! There’s the little matter of $454 million in civil judgments and $88 million for defamation—currently snoozing on appeal like a bored magistrate.

Still, these encumbrances seem but gnats compared to the shimmering mountain of crypto gains. Behold: Even those once sworn to tradition now click, swipe, and HODL with the rest of us. 🤹‍♂️💰

Thus ends the latest act in the farce of fortunes. Applause for Monsieur Trump, whose exploits remain as unpredictable as a Parisian taxi—and as profitable, if one happens to be on the right side of the meter.

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2025-06-14 08:26