This Crypto Rally Survived Tariffs, Bad GDP, And Meme Token Carnage – You Won’t Believe What’s Next

What’s going on here?

By Francisco Rodrigues (All times ET unless you’re in another timezone and, you know, good luck to you.)

So, the tariffs? Yeah, turns out they weren’t such a hot idea (shock!). The U.S. economy took a little nap for the first time in three years and Wall Street had a meltdown—even worse than Gerald Ford’s first 100 days. That’s right, Ford! Yeah, I remember him…never mind.

Meanwhile, Robinhood had a quarter that was less “robbing the rich” and more “I hope you like lukewarm soup!” They beat Wall Street’s super-optimistic expectations, which are basically just guys throwing darts at numbers after three martinis. Microsoft, Meta—they all beat estimates too. But Robinhood’s crypto revenue? It doubled. Doubled! And that’s with the world falling apart! It’s almost like people treat crypto as some kind of digital mattress to stuff their money under. Makes you wonder.

Block, Riot Platforms, Strategy, Reddit… they’re posting numbers next. Will anything be normal? Who knows? Maybe I’ll start trading Dogecoin for bagels next week.

Here comes the macro doom talk: weak data, recession fears, inflation (of course!), but bitcoin’s out here acting like it’s invincible—beating the Nasdaq since this so-called “Liberation Day” (What is that? Did bitcoin escape from prison?).

First quarter GDP: negative. Stocks: sad trombone. But bitcoin? Up 15%! Suddenly, gold, Swiss francs, and bitcoin are the Three Musketeers of “safe haven”—just a couple of weirdos at the financial party. And people are already getting excited about rate cuts like it’s Christmas; the Fed is Santa, I guess, except the presents are lower rates and nobody’s ever happy.

James Butterfill (love the name) says equities and crypto are linking arms again, bouncing on rumors of an imminent rate cut. If the jobs report flops, Powell might blink. It’s always the jobs report. Why don’t we just skip to the jobs report and save ourselves the grief?

But wait, there’s always an Ethereum thing. The “Pectra” upgrade goes live on May 7—don’t get too giddy. It’s supposed to be more user-friendly and efficient. Right now, Ethereum’s getting lapped by Solana, Base, and BNB Chain. Total value locked? Barely a blip for ETH, while Solana’s turning into a crypto amusement park and Base actually shrank—imagine that, a blockchain on a diet!

Ethereum’s got $880 million in new inflows (finally), but its ETH/BTC ratio is at a five-year low. The last time it looked this bad, “stonks” were just a meme and people pretended to read books at coffee shops. Watch your wallets, people! Or don’t. I’m not your financial advisor. I barely even trust my own wallet.

Conferences: Because Nothing Calms Markets Like Overpriced Pastries and Lanyards

Consensus is in Toronto May 14-16. Use code DAYBOOK and save 15%. Which means it was overpriced to begin with!

Token2049 (Dubai) – Day 2; bring sunscreen and some crypto, because both will melt
May 6-7: Financial Times Digital Assets Summit (London) – Nothing like a room of suits not understanding bitcoin
May 11-17: Canada Crypto Week (Toronto) – Maple syrup and memes?
May 12-13: Dubai FinTech Summit – Camels optional, spreadsheets required
May 12-13: Filecoin Dev Summit (Toronto) – You too can pretend to understand storage
May 12-13: DeFi Research (NYC) – Short for “Defiant People Pretending to Understand DeFi”
May 12-14: ACI’s Compliance Forum (NYC) – Is this legal? Who cares!
May 13: Blockchain Futurist Conference (Toronto) – Who needs flying cars?
May 13: ETHWomen (Toronto) – Finally, something with less beard oil
May 14-16: Consensus 2025 (Toronto) – Yes, we’re scheduling for next year already, because hope springs eternal

Token Talk (A.K.A. “Dead Coins Everywhere”)

By Shaurya Malwa

Since 2021, 53% of tokens listed on GeckoTerminal have died. Yes, DEEEAAAD. Like, “your uncle’s first Bitcoin wallet” dead. 🪦
1.8 million tokens belly-flopped just this year. That’s almost impressive in a bleak way! 🎉
Most failed after the Trump re-inauguration chaos—YUGE surprise…
Why? Because launching tokens is now easier than logging into your grandma’s Facebook. Just click and boom—a new coin nobody wants.
2024-2025? Retail is treating memecoin launches like microwave popcorn: fast, cheap, and usually burned.

Derivatives Positioning

Open interest keeps climbing, now at $125 billion—a number so big, I get stage fright just typing it.
Binance’s order heatmap: next supply at $96.2K, with 321 BTC waiting for… something. Maybe a parade. 🥁
Liquidation clusters galore at $96K, $93K, lots of people about to have a very bad day if things move sideways.
Want to see wild moves? Look at Fartcoin, MemeFi, Virtuals Protocol. Yes, those are real names. It’s not a fever dream.
Funding rates are up. Everyone’s long and confident. This never goes wrong, right? 🤡

Market Movements: Numbers, Numbers, Numbers! 🤓

BTC: $96,305.26 (+1.76%)
ETH: $1,838.40 (+2.37%)
CoinDesk 20: 2,787.00 (+1.64%)
Ether CESR Staking: 2.67% (down 29 bps, whatever that really means for your day)
BTC funding rate: 0.0078% (not enough for coffee)

DXY: 99.81 (+0.31%); what even is this, Monopoly money?
Gold: $3,221.46/oz (down 2.01%—someone check your grandma’s jewelry!)
Silver: $32.14/oz (down 1.32%)
Nikkei 225: 36,452.30 (+1.13%)
Hang Seng: 22,119.41 (+0.51%)
FTSE: 8,494.81 (unchanged—you put in all this work for “unchanged”?)
Euro Stoxx 50: 5,160.22 (unchanged—this is getting lazy)
DJIA: 40,669.36 (+0.35%)
S&P 500: 5,569.06 (+0.15%)
Nasdaq: 17,446.34 (unchanged—should we turn this thing off and on again?)
S&P/TSX: 24,841.68 (-0.13%)
S&P 40 LatAm: 2,529.66 (-0.73%)
10-year T-rate: 4.17% (+4 bps, still not enough for a savings account 🤦‍♂️)
S&P 500 futures: 5,655.75 (-1.23%)
Nasdaq-100 futures: 20,002.75 (+1.73%)
Dow futures: 41,109.00 (+0.83%)—the one number no one asks about

Bitcoin Stats (For the Nerds Among Us)

BTC Dominance: 64.57 (nobody knows what this really means, don’t lie)
ETH/BTC ratio: 0.01914 – “Lowest in five years!” Is this ETH’s mid-life crisis?
Hashrate: 850 EH/s – That’s Exa…something. Basically, a lot.
Hashprice: $49.24 – Not enough to buy lunch in Manhattan.
Total Fees: 6.59 BTC / $630,313.73 – And you thought bank fees were bad!
CME Futures OI: 133,905 BTC – Translation: Lots of suits betting on orange coins.
BTC in gold: 29.6 oz – Bitcoin really doing its best Gollum impression.
BTC to gold market cap: 8.40% – One day, they’ll be in the same league. One day. 🤥

Technical Analysis (Buzzword Alert!)

Bitcoin had a wild rally, now it’s playing “Will they, won’t they?” in the $93,000-$95,600 range. Like Ross and Rachel, but with more money on the line.
GDP numbers scared the price for a second, but BTC told them to shove off. Still holding the yearly open, for whatever that does in your life.
If you’re the kind of person who stares at charts, momentum says $96K–$98K next. Or not. Nobody really knows. We’re all just guessing.

Crypto Equities: Your Daily Rollercoaster

Strategy (MSTR): $380.11 (down), premarket $391.85 (up). It goes up, it goes down, what do you want?
Coinbase: $202.89 (down), $208.75 (up)—mood swings, but for stocks.
Galaxy: $21.92 (up, wow!)
MARA: $13.37 (down), $13.87 (up)—I wouldn’t bet my laundry money.
Riot: $7.24 (down), $7.52 (up)—Wild times!
Core Scientific: $8.10 (down), $8.57 (up)—same script as above. Are you sensing a pattern?
CleanSpark: $8.17 (down), $8.57 (up)—I’m getting dizzy.
WGMI ETF: $13.68 (down)—nobody ever actually “WGMI.”
Semler: $32.33 (down), $33.60 (up)—Hope you bought the dip…or didn’t. Whatever.
Exodus: $39.04 (down), $39.75 (up)—Exodus FROM the gains, apparently.

ETF Flows (Show Me the Money… Or Take It Away!)

Spot BTC ETFs:

Net -$56.3 million. Not exactly a ringing endorsement!
Cumulative: $39.11 billion. Still, people really love bitcoin… until they don’t.
Total held: ~1.15 million BTC. Somebody’s wallet is getting fat… or losing weight, who can tell?

Spot ETH ETFs:

Net -$2.3 million. ETH gets no love. Sad.
Cumulative: $2.5 billion. Hey, it’s not zero?
Total held: ~3.45 million ETH. More than I’ll ever see.

Overnight Flows

Chart of the Day (“Can I Print This Out?”)

Stablecoins are multiplying like rabbits on Tron and Ethereum (without the actual fur or the mess).
Optimism and Avalanche are losing ground. Sorry, fellas, you can’t win ’em all.