In a twist worthy of a Kafkaesque opera, Goldman Sachs has once again postponed its prophecy of Federal Reserve rate cuts, now decreeing December 2026 and March 2027 as the holy dates for monetary salvation.
The revision, whispered ominously like a cursed parchment, stems from fears that inflation shall haunt the land like a vengeful ghost, refusing to bow to the Fed’s sacred 2% target until the year of our Lord 2027.
Inflation’s Curse and the Fed’s Eternal Dance
Goldman’s soothsayers declare that energy costs shall cling to the economy like a leech, ensuring core PCE inflation lingers near 3% through 2026-a spectacle rivaling the IMF’s own gloomy prophecy of a 2% return in early 2027. One might wonder if the Fed’s targets are written in invisible ink.
The economists, clad in their prophetic robes, insist cooler economic winds and bleeding labor markets must arrive first to unlock the rate-cut gates. Meanwhile, the FOMC’s April 29 meeting concluded with rates frozen at 3.50%-3.75%, a decision met with four dissents-the most since the Dark Ages of 1992. Truly, a drama for the ages.
“So $SOFI claims the Fed won’t cut rates this year. How quaint. If the economy keeps pirouetting off a cliff, maybe we’ll get a cut by December. New Fed… or maybe just new wizards?”
– Cole Grinde (@GrindeOptions), May 9, 2026
Lindsay Rosner of Goldman Sachs Asset Management, channeling Cassandra, warns that June’s FOMC meeting might birth a hawkish revolution. “The committee may purge its easing bias,” she intones, “proving hawks are the new rockstars.”
“Imagine the Fed removing easing bias. A plot twist! The hawks ascend, the doves weep, and the markets? They’ll perform a tragic ballet.”
Crypto’s Sisyphean Struggle: When Rates Attack
Delayed cuts, the markets whisper, choke liquidity into crypto like a strangled accordion. CME FedWatch, that oracle of odds, gives 93.4% certainty to June 17’s “hold” verdict-a decision that’ll leave cryptos gasping under the dollar’s iron fist.
Altcoins, those fragile butterflies, shall be devoured first when liquidity tightens. Bitcoin, however, clings to its inflation-hedge delusion, praying energy prices ignite anew. Traders now await PCE data and the June 17 FOMC decree like peasants awaiting a plague. A hawkish whisper? A crypto graveyard by Q3.
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2026-05-10 14:48