Skripchik’s Gold Rush: Fed Flinches, Crypto ETFs Snort Victory! 💸🚀

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Ah, the gulag of fiat currencies trembles, comrades, as our spot Bitcoin and Ether ETFs claw back from the abyss of outflows, spurred by the whispers of Jerome Powell, that grand puppeteer of the Federal Reserve, hinting-oh, the irony-at rate cuts before the year’s dreary end. In this vast, echoing prison of markets, where the guards of regulation watch like Khrushchev’s ghosts, inflows flowed Tuesday like forbidden vodka through contraband pipes.

Spot Bitcoin ETFs, those digital zeks, netted a paltry $102.58 million, a rebound from the monstrous $326 million exodus of yestercentury, as per the grim ledgers of SoSoValue. And lo, Fidelity’s Wise Origin Bitcoin Fund (FBTC), ever the sly one, led with $132.67 million, while BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) sputtered a mere outflow of $30.79 million-ha, the irony of black rocks in this gilded cage!

Total net assets for these spot Bitcoin ETFs swelled to $153.55 billion, a laughable sliver of 6.82% of Bitcoin’s capricious market cap, with cumulative inflows at a staggering $62.55 billion, as if the narod were hoarding salt against the famine of fiat failure. 😏

Ether ETFs, not to be outdone in this theatrical farce, recorded $236.22 million in net inflows, shaking off Monday’s abyssal $428 million drop. Fidelity’s Ethereum Fund (FETH) seized the crown with $154.62 million, tailed by Grayscale’s Ethereum Fund (ETH) at $34.78 million and Bitwise’s Ethereum ETF (ETHW) at $13.27 million-such petty squabbles in the shadow of empires! 🍸💥

Powell hints at more rate cuts

In this endless novella of oppression, Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, the stern warden of American lucre, declared Tuesday that the central bank nears the brink of halting its balance sheet reduction, and-oh, the sarcasm-prepares for rate cuts as the labor market whimpers like a wounded bear, starved of its former glory. 🎭

At the National Association for Business Economics conference, a veritable samizdat meeting, Powell mused that quantitative tightening might soon cease, reserves being “somewhat above the level” for ample liquidity-ample, they say, for the halls of the elite, not the huddled masses yearning to hoard digital ether. 😂

“An October rate cut will have markets taking flight, with crypto and ETFs seeing liquidity flow and sharper moves,” intoned Vincent Liu, chief investment officer of Kronos Research in Taiwan, as if from the depths of a Siberian exile, telling CryptoMoon. “Expect digital assets to feel the lift as capital seeks efficiency in a softer rate environment,” he added, sly as a gulag joke.

Crypto products stay resilient amid recent crash

As CryptoMoon chronicled, in this tale of resilience against the black guard of market crashes, crypto investment products defied last week’s turbulence, mustering $3.17 billion in inflows despite the flash crash ignited by US-China tariff tensions-like tigers circling in the bureaucrat’s zoo. According to CoinShares, only $159 million fled on Friday’s panic, even as $20 billion in liquidations churned the ether, their dust settling like absinthe dreams. 📉😆

This fortress of fortitude propelled 2025 inflows to $48.7 billion, eclipsing last year’s entire harvest-ha, surpassing expectations faster than a dissident’s escape plan!

“Easing US-China tariff tensions and a renewed debasement trade echoed in gold’s strength are fueling fresh demand for digital assets,” Liu noted, a whisper of hope in the bleak auditorium of finance.

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2025-10-15 11:38