SEC’s Crypto Overhaul: You Won’t Believe What Happens to Regulation Next! 🚀

Speaking at the SEC’s latest Crypto Task Force roundtable on May 12 (in a room probably furnished with chairs that squeaked just enough to drive existential dread), Atkins unveiled a “three-pillar reform strategy.” This is apparently the regulatory equivalent of a hat-trick, but with less confetti and more footnotes.

Atkins declared the SEC would prioritize formal rulemaking over the old-school “random lawsuits like angry bees” method. This dramatic pivot is positioned to restore clarity (or at least confuse people in a whole new way) and “encourage responsible innovation”—also known as allowing people to invent things without automatically being chased by an army of lawyers in ill-fitting suits.

“This is a reset,” Atkins declared, presumably while trying not to make direct eye contact with a room full of blockchain maximalists. He compared the dawn of tokenized assets to the music industry’s leap from CDs to MP3s: confusing, inevitable, and likely to be accompanied by middle-aged people asking what the heck an NFT is. “It’s time to build policy for the markets of the future, not the past.” Brave words, especially if you know what happened to Napster.

Top of the SEC wish-list: make it less of an epic saga to launch legally compliant digital assets. Atkins admitted that the agency’s current channels are about as modern as a fax machine in a Tesla. Expect new rules, exemptions, and “simplified disclosures”—which hopefully means something a human can read before they die of old age.

Next up: custody. Apparently, the definition of a “qualified custodian” is up for grabs. Should it be a person, a robot, a blockchain, or your cousin Larry with a really sturdy safe? Atkins didn’t say, but did note it’s time to consider “modern models”—translation: possibly something that isn’t a Victorian bank vault. He also reserved some sass for the restrictive accounting guidance that limited institutions from joining the crypto party. 🥳

Finally, trading. Atkins mused about one-stop platforms where you could trade crypto, stocks, maybe marbles or Pokémon cards (he didn’t rule it out). And, just for fun, he dangled the prospect of “conditional exemptions” for crypto critters that don’t fit the usual regulatory cages. What could possibly go wrong? 🧐

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2025-05-13 10:09