SEC vs Ripple Ends: A Courtroom Comedy With $125M Punchline 🎩💰

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After nearly five years in the bewildering labyrinth that is the American legal system (where time moves only when paperwork does), the saga of Ripple versus the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has staggered to an end. How did it finish? By both sides deciding that, actually, they were quite tired and the pub was looking awfully inviting.

Our correspondent at the magical interwebs, Lawyer James Filan, announced the news on X (formerly Twitter, and possibly soon to be renamed to something less like algebra homework). Apparently, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit finally signed off as if to say, “Are we done yet?”

And so, the SEC dropped its appeal. Ripple-along with its executives Chris Larsen and Brad Garlinghouse-responded by also tossing their own cross-appeal aside, presumably into the nearest recycling bin, next to several gallons of coffee and a misplaced gavel.

But as every Discworld wizard knows, the end of a story is just where the bill gets handed out. Ripple, with a sigh audible all the way to Ankh-Morpork, will fork over $125 million to the SEC for the decidedly unmagical act of selling XRP to institutional investors like it was cake at a bake sale. This princely sum had already been sleeping in escrow, dreaming of smaller fines that never came, because Judge Analisa Torres didn’t fancy a discount. Resistance to bargains: the true mark of judicial cunning.

Ripple and the SEC once tried, in a rare display of negotiation, to get that fine down to $50 million. Judge Torres looked at their offer, shook her head slowly, and moved the whole tray of discount muffins off the table. The ledger remains unchanged: $125 million is the price of closure. Ripple will cough it up, and the legal world spins on.

Meanwhile, if you listen closely, you’ll hear the clinking glasses of crypto folk everywhere, because XRP promptly flew upwards: up 5.57% since yesterday and leaping from a nap-worthy $2.78 to a positively caffeinated $3.06. Apparently, $9.27 billion in trading decided that drama and fines are, in fact, excellent for business. 🎉📈

Flash back to December 2020, and this dispute began when the SEC accused Ripple of raising $1.3 billion the old-fashioned way-by not following the paperwork ritual at all. Thus began a saga full of debate, drama, and lawyers quietly aging. Was XRP a security? Was it a muffin? Opinions varied. But now, with appeals dismissed and fines confirmed, this particular chapter concludes. Next up: someone discovers a new way to accidentally summon a lawyer.

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2025-08-22 21:58