Scandal at the Mines: Iren Ousts MARA as Bitcoin Heiress! 💎💰✨

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a company in possession of productive mining rigs must be in want of dominion over Bitcoin. In the month of July, the ever-diligent Iren secured for itself 728 Bitcoins, thus surpassing the once-elevated MARA, which managed a modest 703-perhaps their mining fleet were enjoying an extended luncheon. Iren, with admirable fortitude, summoned over 90% of its machinery to action, achieving an average operational hashrate of 45.4 EH/s. Each Bitcoin thus acquired brought in a handsome sum of $114,891. MARA, meanwhile, operated at a more languid tempo, mustering only 75% of its fleet, their hashrate lingering at 43.94 EH/s. One can only wonder if their machines were on a seaside holiday. 🏖️

The happy occasion coincided with the entire Bitcoin network chasing ever loftier heights-crossing 900 EH/s for the first time, as if resolving to keep up with the Bennet sisters at a particularly competitive ball. The blockchain, it seems, has never faced such a surfeit of computational suitors.

Further compounding Iren’s good fortune, the company reported an unparalleled $86 million in revenue, with hardware profits totalling $66 million-one can only suspect they are on speaking terms with Lady Luck herself. Their foray into AI cloud services added a further $2.3 million to their purse. MARA, on the other hand, appears content to remain singularly focused on Bitcoin, having produced 950 BTC during June-one last grand gesture before the halving reined in their revelry.

It is no surprise, therefore, that IREN’s stock took a graceful leap upwards by more than 11% to $18.32, while MARA, perhaps slow to awaken, managed a more restrained 2% ascent to $15.91-modest, but not without charm (much like a certain Mr. Collins).

Other Miners Expand Treasuries
Turning our attention to the wider neighbourhood, CleanSpark (CLSK) rather greedily amassed over 12,700 Bitcoins, with CEO Zach Bradford boasting of the company’s ability to self-fund its endeavours. One can only hope their confidence is well placed and not the stuff of Bath gossip.
Cipher Mining (CIFR) was similarly industrious: 214 BTC mined in July, with 52 promptly dispatched for sale, their reserves swelling to a respectable 1,219 BTC.

MARA, despite recent setbacks, remains the second-largest corporate holder of Bitcoin, with a fortune of 50,639 BTC-valued at more than $5.8 billion, which ought to buy a considerable number of bonnets, or at the very least, some solace.

If you are tempted to stake your own fortune in these digital contrivances, kindly recall that this missive is informational only. Neither this gentlewriter nor Coindoo.com assumes responsibility for your future prosperity or ruin. Consult a proper advisor, as one consults one’s aunt before eloping. 💸

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2025-08-07 11:12