Saylor’s Bitcoin: A Tale of Debt, Drama, and Divine Cryptocurrency 🐉💰

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BitWise’s CIO declares: Strategy’s Bitcoin hoard will not be sold, even if the sky falls-or crypto prices dive. 🌪️💸

 

Strategy, that most audacious of corporate adventurers, continues to court chaos after a month of market mayhem. Whispers of forced Bitcoin sales echo louder than a drunk economist’s monologue, yet the firm remains as unshakable as a bear in a honey jar. 🐻🍯

Talk of selling Bitcoin? Pah! The company lounges in a fortress of liquidity, debt-free until 2027, and its cost basis? A meager $74k-while Bitcoin dances above it like a peacock on a stock chart. 🦚📈

Strategy’s Bitcoin: A Corporate Fairy Tale

Since 2020, Strategy has amassed 650,000 Bitcoin-a hoard so vast it could make a dragon weep with envy 🐉😢. This treasure constitutes 3% of all Bitcoin ever mined, a fact that keeps traders twitching like caffeinated squirrels. 🐿️☕

“Crypto is riddled with woes,” sighs Matt Hougan, BitWise’s CIO, “but Saylor’s Bitcoin? Not one of them.” His memo, “No, Virginia, We’re Not Selling”, reads like a Shakespearean soliloquy for the blockchain age. 📜🎭

Hougan dismisses fears of forced sales as the ramblings of those who mistake “long-term” for “I’ll hold it until I’m 100.” The firm’s balance sheet? A fortress. Its cash reserves? Enough to pay interest for 18 months while sipping champagne. 🥂

Phong Le, CEO, once mentioned a “last resort” plan-a tale that sent traders into a panic sweeter than a sugar-coated bear market. 🐻❄️🍬 Yet, even if Bitcoin collapsed to $1, Strategy’s cash cushion would let it nap through the apocalypse. 😴🔥

Bitcoin’s Dance: A Chaotic Waltz

Strategy’s $1.4 billion in cash? A sum so grand it could buy a small island-or a lifetime supply of Bitcoin. With no debt until 2027, the firm waltzes through crises like a matador dodging bulls. 🤡🐮

And Bitcoin? Trading above $92k, it hums a tune of profit, even after its recent dip. Yet traders fret like a cat watching a laser dot. 🐱🪄

MSCI’s threat to kick Strategy from its indices? A minor hiccup in a saga of cosmic proportions. After all, who needs indices when you’ve got Bitcoin? 🌌

Related Reading: Strategy’s Bitcoin Buys Have Slowed Down Amid Bear Market Jitters

Bitcoin’s Rollercoaster: A Thrill for the Brave

Bitcoin’s price swing from $120k to $82k? A rollercoaster ride for the faint-hearted. Strategy’s stock, meanwhile, dances to its own tune-part Bitcoin, part Greek tragedy. 🎭📉

Debt? Oh, the critics howl about leverage like it’s a plague. But Hougan retorts: “We’re not drowning; we’re floating on a raft of cash.” 🛶💧

As for the future? Saylor, that eternal optimist, grins through the chaos: “Bitcoin’s long game is written in the stars.” 🌟 Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s just another Gogolian farce waiting to unfold. 🎭

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2025-12-05 18:13