Sam Bankman-Fried’s Pardon Plea Hits a Wall of ‘No’ – Again!

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Sam Bankman-Fried, former FTX overlord, sends a pardon request to Donald Trump, who replies with the enthusiasm of a man finding a teabag in his fish tank.

Sam Bankman-Fried, currently enjoying the scenic delights of federal prison (think: less “luxury suite” and more “concrete poetry”), has decided to treat the Trump administration to a game of “Can You Hear Me Now?” regarding clemency. The White House, known for its clarity and decisiveness, has once again demonstrated these traits by saying “no” with such vigor it could power a small country. Legal concerns, reputational hazards, and the lingering smell of burnt crypto bread all contributed to this decision.

Clemency: A Bridge Too Far

Bankman-Fried, founder of FTX (formerly a cryptocurrency exchange, now a cautionary tale in neon), found his financial empire crumbling faster than a poorly-ventilated soufflé. November 2022 brought Chapter 11 bankruptcy, a term that now strikes fear into the hearts of investors worldwide. By November 2023, a New York jury had convicted him of seven counts of fraud and conspiracy, awarding him a 25-year prison sentence. For context, that’s about how long it would take to read all of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels twice-assuming you don’t mind the same jokes twice.

Related Reading: FTX’s $50B Portfolio: A Case Study in Liquidity, or Lack Thereof | Live Bitcoin News

Undeterred, Bankman-Fried has turned to social media to lobby for sympathy, accusing Democrats of being the real villains and waxing poetic about Trump’s economic genius. Alas, the White House remains unmoved, like a brick wall that’s read the script and knows it’s not getting a happy ending. Trump’s refusal to pardon him, Robert Menendez, or Nicolas Maduro (yes, really) has been described as “firm,” which is just a fancy word for “we’re not doing this.”

According to Fortune, Bankman-Fried’s legal team is busy claiming FTX was solvent, a statement that now lives in the same category of trust as a used car salesman’s smile. Meanwhile, his prison antics-like that ill-fated Tucker Carlson interview, which earned him a stint in solitary confinement-have done little to endear him to the public. Or, indeed, to the warden.

Trump’s Pardon Playbook: Short on Mercy, Long on Drama

The White House has clarified that Trump’s clemency strategy is less “second chances” and more “who do I hate less?” Comparisons to other pardons have sparked debates about fairness, but when your résumé includes orchestrating a $2 billion cryptocurrency implosion, the bar for “sympathy” is set at roughly the height of a brick wall.

Legal appeals continue, though the courts seem to be playing a game of “how many times can we say ‘no’ before this becomes a stand-up routine?” The crypto world, meanwhile, scrambles to rebuild trust while regulators circle like vultures with clipboards. As for Bankman-Fried? His case has become the go-to example for anyone arguing that the only thing more unstable than crypto is the human ego.

In the end, Trump’s refusal to pardon him has closed one chapter in this saga-but not the book. Appeals, policy debates, and the eternal question of “Who’s on first?” will keep the story alive. And somewhere, a Discworld character is smirking and muttering, “I told you so.”

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2026-02-25 11:11