Somewhere in the sprawling New Mexico desert, where the sun blisters the earth and memories of 1947 float like tumbleweeds, the city of Roswell—known for its questionable flying saucer etiquette—has embraced an eccentric fate yet again. This time, not with aliens, but with cryptocurrency. Yes, comrades, Roswell now hoards Bitcoin among its official reserves, as if to spite both the US Treasury and any hypothetical little green men who still pay with galactic credit.
A letter from the authorities—written in the language of bureaucratic hope, as dry as week-old borscht—announced the city’s brave entanglement with digital gold. The world’s governments, fat and heavy, sleepwalk toward Bitcoin: Roswell simply tripped over a bunch of satoshis on the way to breakfast and decided to keep them under the municipal mattress.
New Mexico’s Dusty Oasis Dabbles in Digital Alchemy
According to Bitcoin Magazine—a journal surely found under the futon of every modern exile—Roswell has become America’s first city to adopt the gospel of blockchain as financial gospel. The initial government-approved stash: just over three million satoshis (for those measuring in “real” money, about $2,906, give or take some half-remembered dreams). This, one presumes, is enough to buy a few gallons of gas or perhaps one mediocre alien costume. 🚀
Roswell Plans: Bureaucratic Feats and New Rations
179 pages of official filings later, Roswell’s government quietly absorbed their Bitcoin windfall on April 29, 2025. The master plan: hoard every digital nickel and dime for at least a decade, while plotting to one day have an emergency fund worthy of a UFO crash site. If (and only if) the treasure hoard reaches $1 million, the council—with the collective enthusiasm of workers at a Siberian salt mine—may tap into 21% of the fund every five years. If that fails to rouse a revolution, at least water bills will be paid for elderly locals. The elderly swoon in gratitude. Probably.
Bureaucrats—wily practitioners of boredom—assure us it’s all above board. Meanwhile, Crypto Advisory Committee Director Bo Hines, who likely owns three unopened hardware wallets and at least one NFT, proclaimes the move is presidentially approved and practically guaranteed to transform America into a blockchain Shangri-La.
Diverse Approaches: Bitcoins, More Bitcoins, and Few Answers
Other lands—mildly amused and slightly confused–have begun discussing their own Bitcoin reserves. Under President Trump, who probably once called Satoshi Nakamoto a “winner from Japan,” the US continues its late-night debates about digital coins. Arizona’s politicians, not to be outdone, voted for a BTC reserve—proving that nothing is sacred and all ideas are fair game if you shout “blockchain” loud enough in the statehouse.
Meanwhile, Panama City’s mayor—caught somewhere between a tropical hangover and a blockchain epiphany—flirted with the dream of embracing Bitcoin as the national reserve. One imagines the silent eye-rolls from centuries of accountants; no doubt, the desert wind in Roswell carries those sighs straight to the moon, or to the nearest satoshi.
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2025-04-30 16:50