Ramaswamy’s Bitcoin Bender: $500M?

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Ah, yes. Strive, that industrious little firm-one might almost call it striving-has announced an intention to liberate a half-billion dollars from its shareholders, presumably to be exchanged for those ephemeral, digitally-minted baubles we call Bitcoins. A grand gesture, really. Or perhaps a rather elaborate game of financial hopscotch.🧐

This enterprise, hatched in the fertile mind of Mr. Vivek Ramaswamy (a gentleman of many pursuits, and, one suspects, an enviable collection of silk scarves) in 2022, intends to utilize these funds-rather vaguely termed, I notice, as “general corporate purposes”-which include, crucially, the acquisition of more of the aforementioned ‘Bitcoin and Bitcoin-related products.’ A description so precise, yet so deliciously opaque. And, of course, for “working capital.” One imagines this involves a great deal of counting.

They also deign to procure “income-generating assets,” a phrase that evokes images of well-mannered portfolios sipping tea and politely accruing dividends. Precisely what these assets are remains, shall we say, a delightful mystery. ✨

This rather ostentatious move follows in the footsteps of Mr. Michael Saylor, a pioneer in the art of converting corporate balance sheets into lines of code. A rather brazen feat, wouldn’t you agree? It’s all so… modern.

Strive and its Precious Hoard

Apparently, Strive currently lords over the fourteenth-largest pile of Bitcoins in the corporate world – a respectable 7,525 of the digital pieces. At today’s fluctuating whims, this amounts to approximately $694 million. A considerable sum, one must admit, though its permanence is, of course, contingent on the continued belief of others. 💸

Their metamorphosis into a ‘Bitcoin treasury’ was accomplished through a public reverse merger in May-a maneuver as elegantly complex as a Russian nesting doll. September saw them swallowing Semler Scientific, thereby cementing their position as one of the more substantial Bitcoin hoarders amongst large companies. A most aggressive appetite!

Since launching its first exchange-traded fund-a particularly dry phrase, don’t you think?-in August 2022, Strive has swelled to manage over $2 billion in assets. A small kingdom of capital, built on the shifting sands of cryptocurrency.

The market, apparently amused by all this, allowed Strive shares (ASST) to gain a modest 3.6% on Tuesday, closing at $1.02. A doubling of the stock’s value since the year’s commencement… one can’t help but wonder if it’s merely a bubble waiting to pop. 🎈

A Plea to the Index Gods

And, with a touch of audacity that is almost charming, Strive’s CEO, Mr. Matt Cole, has beseeched MSCI, the revered arbiter of stock market indices, to “let the market decide” whether to permit companies brimming with Bitcoin into their passive investments. A rather pointed request, considering MSCI is contemplating excluding those with a suspiciously large crypto addiction (anything over 50% of their assets, you see). A tug-of-war between tradition and the relentlessly digital future.

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2025-12-10 04:53