Presidential Hopeful Throws Bitcoin ETFs at Youth Like Confetti—Will It Work?

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Oh, sweet democracy in the land of kimchi and K-pop! Behold, the illustrious Lee Jae-myung—leader of the Democratic Party and, lo, a connoisseur of promises—who doth ride upon the feverish spirit of electioneering with the vigor of a merchant hawking “new and improved” elixirs at market! On the auspicious day of May 6, he declares: “Invest, young souls! Invest! And let me, your humble servant (who just happens to fancy a seat of power), gift you spot crypto ETFs with all the trimmings.” 🎉

“The future! The future!” cries Lee, as he waves his scepter of youthful opportunity. “A safe investment environment, so you may not eat ramen every night!” If your ears pick up whispers of lower fees and extra consumer protections—do not adjust your hearing horn, for you are not delirious (yet).

Surveyors from the National Barometer have been tossing their question-sticks, and lo! The numbers say: Lee — plump and content with 42% of the hearts of the people. Poor acting president Han Duck-soo, gnawing at second place with 13%. A recipe for suspense, fit for the gods—or, at least, KBS primetime.

Never before in his quest for the throne has the noble Lee raised the banner of Crypto—until now, to the delight of Coinage Enthusiasts and Reporters Scurrying for Headlines.

Of course, one must acknowledge, like a bad play that refuses to end, that promises were made by the Democratic Party during the 2024 general election. There was much ado about “spot crypto ETFs.” And yet—melancholy sigh—the script has yet to see its final act.

The Chorus Enters: People Power Party Plays Copycat

Enter stage left: the People Power Party, the ruling troupe of this grand theatre. Not to be out-dramatized, they too promise a crypto spectacle! Imagine spot ETFs for all, the epic dismantling of the one-exchange-one-bank rule (how restrictive!), and—of course—a regulatory scroll for stablecoins. The applause is deafening (from bankers and lawyers, at least).

The notorious one-exchange-one-bank rule—devised, perhaps, by an overzealous scribe—binds each humble exchange to a single, solitary bank. “It is for your security!” they insist, as if safety is always so somber. The intent: fewer money launderers, more verified names. The effect: a migraine for the aspiring crypto tycoon.

Let us pause for numbers. Sixteen million—nay, sixteen million!—Koreans, or 31% of the populace, now hold crypto accounts. One can only imagine the group chat memes.

Alas, not all fortunes rise. This measure led crypto’s finest—Bitcoin, Ether, and their merry friends—to plummet like actors missing their cue. Yet, as martial law waned, coins performed a miraculous encore. Such drama! Such recovery! 🎭

In closing: Yoon’s impeachment—unanimous, 8–0—left him jobless faster than a waiter caught sampling the caviar. The curtain falls. The crowd waits for Act II—perhaps, next time, with even more NFTs and at least three more campaign promises per candidate.

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2025-05-07 08:26