Currency Forecast

The total crypto market cap rose 2.3% to $3.55 trillion. A 2.3% rise, which is like saying the sky is slightly less likely to fall today. 🌥️ Bitcoin climbed 1.6% to $103,815. A 1.6% climb, which is about as exciting as watching paint dry, but at least it’s not falling. 🧱 Ethereum advanced 2.9% to $3,440. A 2.9% rise, which is like a toddler taking a step forward while holding onto the couch for dear life. 🧸 XRP traded at $2.35 after a 4.4% gain, and BNB added 1.1% to reach $957. A 4.4% gain, which is like a hiccup in the grand scheme of things. 🧠

SBI, ever the visionary, dreams of transforming from a mere token issuer into a digital asset titan, a hub where securities are minted, settled, and traded with the precision of a Swiss watch. 🕰️ But fear not, regulators! Their every move is cloaked in the armor of compliance, ensuring no rogue token escapes their watchful eye. 👀

For years now, the residents have been losing their peace-and their sanity-thanks to the never-ending noise from MARA’s machines. Sleepless nights? Check. Headaches? Check. Hearing problems? Oh, definitely. Some folks have even packed up and left, heading for places that don’t sound like the inside of a jet engine. MARA tried to help by building a 24-foot wall and swapping out some of its noisy cooling fans for quieter liquid systems. But, as you can guess, the noise is still there, louder than ever.

In this world of shimmering tokens and ghostly graphs, Solana trembles like a poet at a logic convention, now slithering toward the $160 zone-a shrine where the strong-handed whisper sweet accumulation nothings. Amidst this chaos, bulls huff and puff, claiming the dip is a “test of wills,” which probably means someone’s Algorithms™️ are just very tired at 3 a.m.

The galaxy of bankers, quite lacking in vision, bemoaned stablecoin stipulations that deny yield to issuers while permitting titans like Coinbase to shower rewards upon their digital denizens. “Digital assets are indeed the future-oh, how delightfully obvious!-and we must ensure these splendid community banks do not shun their embrace of both fiat and cryptocurrency,” the senator quipped, ever the provocateur. 🌟

In a move that screams “I’m not crazy, my crypto is crazy!” the digital asset treasure hunters at Metaplanet Inc. announced they’ve executed a $100 million loan using bitcoin as collateral. According to their Nov. 4, 2025, notice, this loan is renewed daily-because why commit long-term when you can live on the edge? 🪢 The Tokyo Stock Exchange-listed company (TSE: 3350) finalized the deal on Halloween, proving even financial moves can be spooky! 👻

The index is set to drop in Q4 2025, because who needs a time machine when you can just wait for the next tech trend? The partnership with S&P DJI aims to make this index as reliable as a used car salesman. 🧠

Tuesday belonged to the bears. Bitcoin ( BTC) plunged below $100K triggering nearly $500 million in BTC liquidations. It was the first time the cryptocurrency had entered sub-$100K territory since June 2025. Prior to that, analysts had thrown out price predictions ranging anywhere from $150K to $500K. But after Tuesday’s precipitous retreat, crypto research firm Galaxy, which had previously proposed a $185K year-end price, slashed that target to $120K. 🧠💥

Crypto whales, those elusive creatures of the digital sea, have been transferring their coins to ETFs and institutional buyers like a man fleeing a party. 🏃‍♂️💨

With a wave of his hand, he dismisses the exceptions, counting them on one hand like a miser tallying his last coins. “Dozens upon dozens,” he laments, “launched not with vision, but with the greed of a starving wolf at a feast.” 🐺💰