These new whales are basically the crypto version of a teenager with a learner’s permit. They’re in control now, and the old whales? They’re just sitting back, sipping their crypto-martinis, watching the chaos unfold. 🍸🐳
The global crypto market, ever the prima donna, has pirouetted back into favor after a brief stumble. Post-Fed jitters and liquidity whispers? Bah! The bulls have returned, their horns polished and ready. Bitcoin, that stalwart of the digital age, reclaimed $110,000 with a swagger, while Ethereum’s resurgence signals that risk appetite is back-like a long-lost lover returning with gifts. Analysts, those eternal soothsayers, murmur of an “accumulation phase,” though one wonders if they simply enjoy the sound of their own voices. 🧐📈
Taurus, the Swiss-regulated “digital asset infrastructure provider” (code for “we handle money stuff you probably don’t understand”), just opened a New York office on October 29, 2025. Because what this city truly needs is another crypto Starbucks. Their U.S. expansion now includes Vancouver and… surprise! A new base where bagels are a currency. They’ve also hired Zack Bender as Head of U.S. Business, because nothing says “trust us” like a guy with a title longer than a TikTok dance.
Saylor, the co-founder of Strategy, added that the last 12 months have probably been the best in the industry’s history. He highlighted the SEC’s approval of tokenized securities, US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent’s support for stablecoins, and the US’ relaxed regulatory stance as key bullish catalysts. 🧙♂️✨
🌌 The SEC, now demoted from “gatekeeper” to “bystander,” probably didn’t see that coming. Meanwhile, Solana enthusiasts are sharpening their pitchforks, ready to trade blockchain for brokerage accounts. Because nothing says “financial wisdom” like letting your average Joe trade crypto via platforms that still think Bitcoin is a new kind of pizza topping. 💸
If this deal goes through-well, it might just give a slap of celebrity sparkle to Republic users, allowing them to buy and sell with the Official Trump (TRUMP) memecoin. A shiny new toy for the crypto kids, and a promising way for startups to beg for coins, or perhaps just gossip about their next million-dollar idea. Bloomberg reported this without a hint of sarcasm-imagine that. 📈
This brainchild, conjured into existence by Kai Zhao-who’s all of 20 years young-has taken it upon itself to transform any dull, dreary question into a personalized show-and-tell session, complete with animations by the dozen. The platform’s already catering to a dollop of 20,000 eager learners scattered across the globe, which, frankly, is no small feat when you consider that some of those students are probably still trying to figure out how to turn on their computers.
So, the ETFs are, once again, draining away. A total of $81.44 million departed on the 29th, according to Sosovalue. After those two brief, heartwarming days of inflows totaling $379.93 million, of course. Investor sentiment, it seems, is a fickle beast. One wonders what they were expecting.
Oh, the audacity! In an X post – a relic of a bygone age of fleeting thoughts – Saylor confessed to accumulating 17,732 BTC at a pitiable $9,882 per coin. Back then, the very notion of a cryptocurrency challenging the established order was met with polite scorn, with knowing shakes of the head from the gentlemen of finance. A paltry $175 million, they sniffed. A fool’s wager. Now? (And one can almost hear the grinding of teeth in the halls of central banks) That same stash, that act of defiance, is worth – try to contain your shock – nearly $1.95 billion. A gain, they say, of over 1,000%. Such arithmetic is… unsettling. 🧐
It couldn’t even manage to flirt with $205. Pathetic, really. Honestly, beating Bitcoin and Ethereum on the way down is… an achievement? I’m questioning everything. It dipped below $200. Then $198. Officially in a “mood.”
