Investors wager a 97.8% chance the Fed will cut interest rates by a quarter of a percentage point (25bps), as if the central bankers are already scribbling the announcement on a napkin during their third espresso break.
“To command the stage,” Xethalis declaimed, “one must wield a ‘33 Act – Effective Registration Statement on Form S-1. A ‘34 Act – 19b-4 Approval, Trading Rules Letter, Filed Registration Statement on Form 8-A. And fifth, an Exchange willing to whisper your name and let you perform.” He paused, as if savoring the irony. “As a 15-year ETP lawyer, I confess: this is uncharted territory, like a poet reciting haikus in a tax code.”
The crypto circus is pitching its tent for a grand spectacle this week, with a jaw-dropping $653 million in token unlocks ready to leap through hoops of uncertainty. 🌈🤹♂️
Last month, our dear Pi Network’s troupe declared that they shall ascend from the humble v19 to the grandeur v23-like a playwright upgrading his act from mere scribbles to a full-blown spectacle. This “custom Pi protocol,” borrowed from Stellar v23, promises new acts-more controls, more community-driven applause. But, beware-the plot thickens! It now boasts of embedding Know-Your-Customer authority-because who wouldn’t want a bit of bureaucratic flair in their blockchain? Truly, a masterpiece of modern governance.
Until one of these levels is decisively breached-or perhaps, more accurately, until the market’s collective patience snaps like a twig-Bitcoin will continue its tedious waltz, accumulating liquidity like a miser hoarding coins.
Analysts, with their fingers crossed behind their backs, claim the rating is a slap in the face to Bitcoin’s potential, but they’re just scared of the future. 🤡
The price now teeters on the edge of a cliff, perched near critical resistance zones while technical indicators blink like a strobe light in a disco. The question that tickles my fancy is: Will this runaway train keep hurtling forward, or will it screech to a halt, leaving investors in a puddle of tears? Join me as we unravel this mystery with the precision of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. 🪄
Apparently, the final tap of approval was just a formality-the sort of thing you can get away with when the government is temporarily on vacation. Eleanor Terrett on X (formerly Twitter, for those of us still trying to keep up with the social media kaleidoscope) wrote that Nasdaq certified these ETFs with a Form 8-A, which, according to the insiders, is just bureaucratic speak for “please, can we start trading now?” The ETFs-Canary’s HBAR and Litecoin, and Bitwise’s Solana staking-are all set to launch in the next 48 hours, because who needs tedious things like SEC approval when you have loopholes?
The culprit? A misordered code process, as dYdX’s post-mortem report so eloquently puts it. “Validators, oh validators!” it cries, “Why did you delay restarting your oracle sidecar services? Why did you rely on outdated price data?” Trades were executed, liquidations were triggered, and prices were as accurate as a Gogol character’s sense of direction. Yet, fear not, for no funds were lost on the blockchain-only traders’ sanity and a few dreams of Lambos. 🚀🤪
