Behold the daily chart: Bitcoin, having clawed back from the $80,537 abyss, now tests the $95,000 threshold-a wall of bricks erected by skeptics. Its V-shaped recovery, though valiant, reeks of desperation. The volume? A surge, yes, but one wonders if it’s the roar of lions or the whimper of mice in wolf suits. 🦊
So, what’s going on here? Well, ONDO’s price is reacting with all the grace of a dancer who’s just figured out the rhythm of a falling wedge pattern. For the uninitiated, that’s the kind of structure that signals a bullish reversal, which is just fancy talk for “something good is probably coming.” And where does this sweet little support line come from? A spot that’s already fuelled a surge to $2.14 back in March 2024. That’s some sturdy history right there, like a comfy chair you never want to leave. And the best part? This support zone is so on point, it’s almost like it has its own fan club.
On the daily chart, Bitcoin’s clawing back into the green, the little rascal! It’s tiptoeing through the $89,000 to $93,000 zone, like a cat burglar sneaking past the stodgy old guard of resistance at $116K. The big, bossy 100-day and 200-day moving averages are lurking overhead around $108K-like a pair of grumpy old gatekeepers. Until those resistance bouncers turn friendly support, this dance remains more of a stumble than a waltz.
After Monday’s little drama, the global markets have settled, but only on the surface, my dears. Bitcoin is lounging in the mid-$90K range, having bounced back a saucy 7% from its $86K sulk. Equities and FX, meanwhile, are dithering like debutantes at a ball, all eyes on next week’s FOMC shindig. Despite the apparent serenity, everyone’s girding their loins for a policy earthquake. 🌍💃
The SEC, in its infinite wisdom (or perhaps a caffeine-induced epiphany), has paused the approval of 3x and 5x leveraged ETFs, citing “extreme risk exposure” and “federal limits on leverage.” A bold stance, indeed, if one overlooks the irony of regulators now policing products designed to amplify volatility in a market that thrives on it. The regulator’s letters to Direxion, ProShares, and GraniteShares read less like a warning and more like a bureaucratic sigh of relief: “Finally, someone’s admitting we’ve gone too far.” 🤡
From a solid $9.3 billion market cap on November 1 to a sad $7.1 billion on November 30-USDe has officially hit its lowest point. That’s not just a dip; that’s a plunge, folks. This token had one of its sharpest contractions EVER. The crypto world’s version of “oops, I did it again.” 💔
DOT punched through the $2.25 resistance level like it was a piñata at a kid’s party. 🎉 CoinDesk’s technical analysis model says it’s a big deal-and who are we to argue?
The XRP ETFs, these modern-day leviathans, hoard capital with the inevitability of frost. Twelve days of ceaseless inflows-$844.9 million, a symphony of digits-echo through the corridors of SoSo’s ledgers. One might mistake it for progress, or perhaps a particularly ambitious Ponzi scheme blessed by the SEC 🤡.
As of December 2, 2025, PENGU is trading at a not-so-glamorous $0.00976, down 9% from the past 24 hours. The market cap? A hefty $613 million, but let’s be honest, it’s probably feeling a little light on its feet after that tumble. But don’t count this pudgy critter out just yet-analysts say there might be a short-term rally if the buyers can band together like penguins in a snowstorm and hold onto that critical support. Let’s see if that happens.
Binance, that hydra of the crypto world, has anointed Yi He as co-CEO, a move that raises eyebrows and questions in equal measure. Can CZ truly resist the siren call of his own creation, or is this merely a game of musical chairs with the same old tune? 🎶🤡