Spot Bitcoin ETFs, those digital zeks, netted a paltry $102.58 million, a rebound from the monstrous $326 million exodus of yestercentury, as per the grim ledgers of SoSoValue. And lo, Fidelity’s Wise Origin Bitcoin Fund (FBTC), ever the sly one, led with $132.67 million, while BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) sputtered a mere outflow of $30.79 million-ha, the irony of black rocks in this gilded cage!
In a masterclass of victimhood, SBF alleges his 2022 arrest was a political hit, orchestrated by the SEC and DOJ to silence his growing criticism of their crypto policies. One might wonder if the administration’s anti-crypto stance was a reaction to his newfound centrist views-or perhaps a warning to others who dare to question the system. 🧠💣
Ah, the Land of the Rising Sun, ever so meticulous in its pursuit of order, now turns its gaze to the anarchic realm of digital currencies. Japan’s regulators, with a flourish of bureaucratic quills, propose to outlaw the trading of crypto on non-public information-a move as predictable as a haiku’s syllable count. Aligning these pixilated assets with the staid protections of traditional markets, they aim to stifle the very chaos that makes crypto so delectably absurd. Parliamentary approval, of course, is but a formality, a mere curtsy before the inevitable. 🧘♂️
Dogecoin found its paws above $0.1880, joining Bitcoin and Ethereum in their digital frolic. It bounded past $0.20, wagging its tail in triumph, and settled into a bullish zone.
On a day that will forever be etched in intergalactic law enforcement archives, October 14 witnessed the Department of Justice’s grand theft of approximately 127,271 BTC from unhosted wallets associated with the mondo mysterious Chen Zhi – a Brit and a Cambodian of no particular importance, who thought his galactic empire would remain undisturbed.
“Dogecoin is also based on energy,” chirped the ever-vigilant Sir Doge of the Coin, to which Musk replied with a punctuation mark so pregnant with meaning, one could almost hear the collective gasp of the crypto sphere. Yet, the market, that fickle prima donna, remained unmoved. Dogecoin, languishing at $0.196, seemed to shrug off the maestro’s touch, as if to say, “Been there, barked that.”
Proof They’ve Got the Crypto Stuff
The mNAV-(market cap + liabilities) divided by Bitcoin assets-plunged under 1.0, implying the market values this company less than its digital gold hoard. A concept so ludicrous, even Oblomov would wake from his slumber to scoff at it. 🤦♂️
And lo, the market crashed with the force of a thousand elephants, wiping out nearly half a trillion dollars in a single day, with over $19 billion in leveraged positions liquidated. A veritable financial tempest! ⚠️📉
