Currency Forecast

Apparently, the final tap of approval was just a formality-the sort of thing you can get away with when the government is temporarily on vacation. Eleanor Terrett on X (formerly Twitter, for those of us still trying to keep up with the social media kaleidoscope) wrote that Nasdaq certified these ETFs with a Form 8-A, which, according to the insiders, is just bureaucratic speak for “please, can we start trading now?” The ETFs-Canary’s HBAR and Litecoin, and Bitwise’s Solana staking-are all set to launch in the next 48 hours, because who needs tedious things like SEC approval when you have loopholes?

The culprit? A misordered code process, as dYdX’s post-mortem report so eloquently puts it. “Validators, oh validators!” it cries, “Why did you delay restarting your oracle sidecar services? Why did you rely on outdated price data?” Trades were executed, liquidations were triggered, and prices were as accurate as a Gogol character’s sense of direction. Yet, fear not, for no funds were lost on the blockchain-only traders’ sanity and a few dreams of Lambos. 🚀🤪

Summary

Artemis whispers of a September surge, when the market’s heart raced to $125 billion, fueled by the wild antics of ApeX and Aster. But by October, the fever cooled, and the daily totals settled into a sleepy $25-50 billion, like a tired child finally drifting to sleep. The traders, ever the wanderers, found their rhythm again, though the stars seemed dimmer.

“Software is eating the world,” Horsley proclaimed, likely while stroking a crystal ball. “Crypto is going to eat capital markets.” And if crypto eats Wall Street, does that make Bitcoin the financial world’s Pac-Man? 🍒👻

He proclaims, via his favored digital town square (formerly known as Twitter, may it rest in pieces), that Grokipedia is “fully open source,” a phrase dripping with noble intention. Anyone, he cries, can partake! For free! As if truth were a mere commodity to be given away like so many pamphlets on the street. And the goal? “Truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” A bold claim, wouldn’t you agree? Almost suspiciously so.

These speculative scribbles, Pan lamented, are but infants in their journeys, already magnifying the shadows of regulatory blind spots that meander across the man-made boundaries of sovereign states-blissfully unaware of their own fragility in the grand tapestry of weaker economies, as if they were a modern-day fool’s gold.

Oh, and how quaint the idea that partnerships expanding to countries like Kyrgyzstan will catalyze such a squeeze! An increase in on-chain activity brings forth more fees, more burns, an enchanting deflationary cascade that could quicken its descent into scarcity. It’s as if BNB flourishes precariously on the edge, teetering between birth and countdown, much like a baby stroller hurtling down the 42nd floor of Communism’s skyscraper. Indeed, CZ, the grandmaster behind Binance’s audacious ploy, ties BNB’s allure to dutiful community building-a socialist narrative dressed in American colors.

Recent submissions show Bitwise is taking the lead in launching a Solana ETF. Canary Capital is also planning similar ETFs for Litecoin and Hedera. Meanwhile, Grayscale is likely to turn its current Solana Trust into an ETF, making one of the biggest Solana investment options available to the general public.

This marks the first time a Bitcoin-centric treasury company has been so “generously” assessed by a major ratings agency, an event S&P has dubbed a “significant milestone.” How thrilling. One imagines the analysts at S&P convened in a boardroom, sipping lukewarm tea, and declared, “We must rate this Bitcoin thing! It’s the future-or at least the future of confusion!”