Oracle (ORCL), that stalwart of the tech frontier, leapt more than 6% in pre-market trading, its shares kissing $190 after Bloomberg’s heralds proclaimed TikTok’s binding vows to a new U.S. venture. The market, ever skittish, sighed in relief, its fears of AI-driven risks momentarily quelled. 🤖😌
They’re arguing that prediction markets are basically commodities-a fancy way of saying, “Hey federal government, this isn’t your backyard, it’s ours now.” They want the court to remind everyone that the CFTC is the boss here, not some state gaming commission with a flair for overreach. Because nothing says “trust us” like big legal words and a courtroom drama. 📜⚖️
Adam Back, our ever-optimistic developer, assures us that quantum machines are “ridiculously early” and that the threat is as real as a teapot in a hurricane. 🌪️
Lido DAO, the decentralized autonomous organization (DAO) that’s basically the prom king of liquid staking, is itching to graduate from Ethereum and become a full-fledged multi-product adult. 🎓 Their grand plan? A $60 million budget dubbed the “2026 Ecosystem Grant Request (EGG): Executing GOOSE-3.” Yes, you read that right. EGG and GOOSE. Someone’s been watching too many nature documentaries. 🦢🥚
Now, you might be wondering, will this current price action-where selling is met with solid demand (and no one is losing their heads, thankfully)-help Bitcoin reach that mystical unicorn level of $100K? 🦄✨
As AMBCrypto noted, BOJ rate hikes have historically led to double-digit drawdowns in Bitcoin [BTC], as rising leverage costs push foreign investors to de-risk and unwind BTC positions, fueling short-term FUD. (FUD stands for ‘Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt,’ which is basically the crypto market’s version of a bedtime story.) 🧸
It’s broken through a support level at $120 like it wasn’t even there. This $120, you see, was a rather important psychological barrier, preventing further… well, falling. It was a floor. Floors are good. Now it’s just… air. And it’s not even a gentle descent. We’re talking a 60% drop from its January high of $293! That’s practically tumbling down Mount Everest in a bouncy castle.
Ah, another pronouncement from the American authorities. As if the world wasn’t complicated enough, the esteemed Securities and Exchange Commission-those tireless guardians of our financial well-being-have seen fit to issue “detailed guidelines” regarding the custody of these… crypto assets. One wonders if they haven’t more pressing concerns, like the price of tea in Boston. ☕
Well, I’ll be jiggered! Bitwise Asset Management, those clever coves, have chucked their hat into the ring with a spot SUI exchange-traded fund. Seems the old boys are keen on giving the institutional crowd a bit of regulated crypto exposure, what? 🧐 With everyone and their uncle eyeing up diversified digital assets, it’s no wonder they’re playing nice with the Yanks and their ever-changing crypto rules. 🦅📜
Ethereum, once a proud stallion, now a limp noodle, attempted a feeble rise but faltered above $2,950, much like its comrade Bitcoin. Below $2,920 and $2,900 it fell, into the clutches of the bearish zone, where hope goes to die. The bears, those merciless brutes, pushed it further, to a low of $2,775, where it now wallows, consolidating its losses near the 23.6% Fib retracement level. A tragic farce, is it not? 🎭