The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), that ever-dramatic institution, finds itself at a crossroads. Enter Chair Paul Atkins with *Project Crypto*, a supposedly revolutionary effort to modernize securities law for digital assets. Naturally, this happens while the government is shut down, leaving 92 crypto ETF applications in the regulatory freezer. Progress? Halting. Timing? Impeccably terrible. 🙃
“Coinbase is taking a significant step in expanding our business capabilities and regulatory oversight beyond the existing framework, paving the way for innovation and growth in building a modern financial system powered by digital assets,” Coinbase said in a statement on Friday. 🤯
Ah, the sweet symphony of tech and finance-two fields that were never meant to dance together but are now locked in an elegant waltz. Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN), ever the progressive platform, has just made its move. On October 3, they announced that their subscription service, Coinbase One, is now integrated into Samsung Wallet for Galaxy users in the U.S. Over 75 million device owners now find themselves bathed in the luxurious glow of crypto accessibility. But don’t worry, this isn’t the end of the road; it’s just the beginning. Soon, the whole world will be living the high life too.
A chaotic brew of whale hoarding-those leviathans of greed-waning volumes like fading prayers, vendor predominance, and the slippery liquidity conspire against Cardano’s quest for salvation. Oh, the human folly!
On Thursday they admit the keys of the validators have turned, and more than a hundred contracts have migrated to sturdier wallets. They recovered 4.6 million BONE from the thief’s own contract, as if plucking a stubborn moth from a candle’s stubborn flame.
MultiversX, formerly known as Elrond (yes, they rebranded like a reality star changing names for clout), announced this wild ride in November 2022 at the xDay event in Paris. 🥖 And let’s not forget their side hustle, xMoney, which in September 2025 decided to migrate tokens from UTK to XMN, effectively diluting holders by 30 or 10 times. 🤑 Because why not add insult to injury? 😂
And here’s the kicker: this isn’t just some small change tossed at random folks. Oh no. This is a full-on $12,000 worth of USDC, distributed in six tidy little installments to 160 lucky residents picked by lottery. Because, naturally, we all know that a lottery is the ideal method to solve poverty. 🙄
The saga of Libra, a cryptocurrency as credible as a baronet’s promise to pay, continues to unfold in Argentina. A congressional commission, no doubt composed of men with furrowed brows and futile hopes, is probing the ties between government luminaries and the token’s launch. Alas, their efforts have been as successful as a Waugh protagonist’s marriage-stalled, stymied, and steeped in absurdity.
Clearing this resistance is as crucial as a well-timed witticism at a dinner party. Without it, the rally is but a fleeting fancy, darling. 🥂🤷♂️
Coinbase’s proof of reserves, a document as sacred as a society matron’s little black book, reveals a total supply of 9.56 million ADA backing the wrapped ADA on the Base network. Presently, 9.53 million cbADA frolic on said network, a 462% leap from the paltry 1.7 million at launch in June. One can only imagine the champagne corks popping at Cardano HQ. 🥂
