To the delight of frazzled crypto-enthusiasts everywhere (and the chagrin of anyone with more sense than fever), the Bitcoin blockchain, recently pronounced comatose by several severe men in ill-fitting suits, has staged a minor resurrection. Active addresses now frolic above 900,000—rather a lot of wallets for a funeral march, one thinks.
This means BANXA can now sprinkle Pi coins onto the wallets of eager folks in over 100 countries, just like fairy dust—only with slightly more paperwork and slightly less likelihood of spontaneous flight.
With $1.3 trillion in imaginary money traded in 2024 (enough, one might add, to finance several royal weddings or a couple of modest tsarist campaigns), Deribit’s leaders stared out their high-rise windows, sipping Turkish coffee, and considered what would happen should they bring their spectacle to the United States. Their CEO, Luuk Strijers, confessed to the Financial Times that the mood was changing — even the shadows had grown slightly less foreboding, provided one disregarded Wall Street’s eternal skepticism and the Congressmen’s tendency to legislate as if they were writing Tolstoyan novels: complex, everlasting, and confusing to all involved.
Alphractal, the soothsayer of blockchain data, has a few thoughts on why the BTC blockchain isn’t exactly throwing a rave at these elevated price points:
In fact, PENGU took a cheeky 23% leap this past week alone. Society is sometimes driven by reason, but apparently not this week.
So, picture this: It’s May 1, 2025. Jack Mallers—Bitcoin entrepreneur, investor, and proud wearer of hoodies at business meetings—sits down with David Lin, of the eponymous “David Lin Report,” to chat about his new lovechild: Twenty One. It’s a pure Bitcoin-only “joint venture” with backing from Tether, Softbank, and whoever Cantor Fitzgerald is, which Mallers is heading up, presumably because being CEO of just one crypto operation doesn’t provide enough excitement or existential dread.
According to the ever-reliable IntoTheBlock data (I mean, who doesn’t love a good crypto data dump?), Shiba Inu’s large transaction volume surged by 228.41% in the last 24 hours. That’s a massive $17 million, or for those of us who speak in crypto terms, 1.27 trillion SHIB. Trillion. Because why not?
Season 2 has entered the arena, having bravely decided that things simply weren’t baffling enough. Now there are combo cards and the legendary GameDev cipher codes—because clearly what a casual tapping game needed was cryptographic espionage. Not just anyone can type “LOL” and get magic powers, you know. (Except in this case, they actually can.)
Mr. Selgas, whose office as Chief Executive Officer must be most laborious, assures us all that this scheme shall invigorate trade betwixt the United States and Mexico. Yet how a memecoin integrates itself into the bustling world of real freight remains a delightful riddle. Meanwhile, the U.S. Office of Government Ethics finds itself, no doubt, quite vexed, musing whether the President’s coin adventures stray from the tidy path of federal rules. The Regency could never have anticipated such troubles, though I suppose even Lady Catherine might have enjoyed an exclusive coin dinner.
This week, Kevin is feeling, and I quote, “really good.” By which I assume he’s either meditating nightly or he’s got his charting software open with caffeine running through his veins. The man cannot walk past a candlestick chart without whispering sweet nothings about “bullish momentum.”