If Judge Torres can see fit to lift the doggone injunction that’s clung to Ripple longer than a tick on a hound, both sides will lay down their law-books and wander off into the sunset. Appeals? Nah, they’re tossing those out like last week’s bait.
Also: enter Ginger Baker—the kind of name you’d expect from a glam-rock drummer, but here she is, parachuted in as Meta’s VP of product, presumably to keep Zuck’s crypto rollercoaster on the tracks and prevent further blockchain faceplants.
To put it bluntly—no one’s lighting fireworks expecting this pacaderm to take flight.
Altcoins, led by those beloved memecoins, have also put on quite the show, posting double-digit percentage gains. Ethereum (ETH), in particular, saw a fabulous 15 percent increase, dancing its way to $2,070 at the time of this writing. 💃
The tale twists on itself like a Dostoevskian soul wracked by doubt: Bond’s lawyers, armed with 487 pages of legalese and a fervor worthy of any desperate petitioner in a Petersburg tavern, reiterate—no, blare forth—the same claims her husband flatly pressed. She says the prosecutors wove a bargain whispered in shadows, promising, “We’ll spare poor Michelle, but don’t write it down—what are we, amateurs?” So much for trust in written agreements: in this tale, parchment is but a suggestion and evidence is as slippery as an eel in a shallow pond.
These changes, which would apply to firms dabbling in blockchain to issue, trade, and settle securities, might just include an exemptive order. Yes, you heard that right—an order that might free companies from the usual maze of registration rules. Who knew the SEC could be so… accommodating?
Today, this fickle mistress, Hyperliquid, has cast aside the burdensome chain of the $20 resistance. What was once an impregnable fortress — manned by dour bears and the stuffy ghosts of past sellers — is now a chaise longue for bullish revelers to stretch their legs upon. Should the carpet beneath their feet hold, some say the price may yet waltz toward $29. How the peasants shall marvel!
Jeff Merkley (who smells of Oregon pine) and Chuck Schumer (who, it’s rumored, sweats optimism through his spectacles) have flung the grand End Crypto Corruption Act of 2025 onto the legislative stage with all the grace of a bear slipped on ice. One can only imagine the czarist nostalgia trembling in the air: no president, vice president, cabinet appointee, senator, or freshly-minted nephew shall line their pockets with cryptographic gold or memes—no, not even Dogecoin.
Bitcoin ( BTC) smashed through the $100K barrier once again this Thursday, thanks to net cumulative inflows for spot BTC exchange-traded funds (ETFs) hitting a cool $40.72 billion. The last time this happened in February, the flow was similarly impressive, just shy of $40 billion.
Picture this: some poor sap checks their wallet on May 7, sees Jupiter (the biggest DEX aggregator on Solana, or so it likes to tell its parents), and gasps. Did they gain nearly 12%? Yes, they did. Is their net worth still nothing to brag about at family dinners? Also yes. Jupiter hit $0.4622, which is impressive if you ignore it was once worth so much more—I’m talking 44% more, which Jupiter elegantly let slip away, like a cat coughing up a hairball made of dollar bills.
