The distinguished house known as Paradigm has chosen to invest its fortune in the promising AI endeavor named Nous Research, a collective devoted to the refinement of language models of the human kind, imbuing their token valuation with a rather impressive sum of one billion dollars. Fortune, no less, has whispered these tidings.
By Shayan (the market whisperer)
In his April 27 post, Trump clarified that these tax cuts would primarily benefit individuals earning less than $200,000 a year—presumably because those making more are too busy paying for their yachts to care about taxes. 🎩💸
In a freshly minted Form N-1A, more tangled than a basket of serpents, we learn that the amendment is but a costume change for the previously limping ProShares UltraShort XRP ETF and its kin – the Ultra XRP and Short XRP ETFs. The SEC’s solemn decree insists this amendment exists solely to crown April 30 as the grand unveiling day. Such ceremonious bureaucracy would make even the most patient clerk weep with joy.
PENGU, the gallant Pudgy Penguin, flapped its wings with a raucous 107% leap, as if shaking off months of aching melancholy. Meanwhile, SUI strutted its stuff with a sprightly 70% jump, trying to elbow its way into the grand hall of largest Made in USA coins. Meanwhile, poor RENDER, the awkward cousin at the family reunion, stumbled along, failing to catch even the faintest applause from the AI coin aficionados.
But lo and behold, the blockchain, that relentless tattletale, coughs up a whiff of a different tale: El Salvador, cryptographic pirate of sorts, is slyly stuffing its coffers with more Bitcoin, like the cat who keeps eating the fish despite a “no fishing” sign.
So, get this: On April 27, hot off the heels of Strategy’s *other* $555 million Bitcoin purchase (I mean, who even has that kind of spare change?), Saylor teased us with a cheeky little message: “Stay Humble. Stack Sats.” Yeah, no big deal, just the CEO of a *billion-dollar* company dropping crypto wisdom like he’s a walking fortune cookie. 🍪
The first sign of impending greatness for Cardano? Well, it seems the whales—those elusive, deep-pocketed players—are starting to accumulate. And no, they’re not making a surprise appearance at SeaWorld. According to Santiment data, addresses holding between 10 million and 100 million ADA coins now control a solid 35.5% of all the circulating ADA. That’s up from a more modest 33% back in January. But wait, there’s more: holders of 1 million to 10 million ADA have jumped to 15.83%. Something smells fishy in the water… and it smells like *bullish* activity. Historically, when whales stockpile coins, it’s a sign that they’re expecting bigger things ahead. And when they dump? Well, let’s just say it’s not so festive.
In a recent X-shaped scroll (or tweet, for the Muggles), Dr. Altcoin professes an almost Hogwarts-level confidence that the Pi price pump will kick off amidst the grandeur of the much-hyped Consensus Summit. This three-day crypto jamboree is like the Oscars for blockchains, minus the fancy gowns but overflowing with the buzz of partnerships, updates, and existential hopes harnessed into a single event.
On a grim, somber Sunday, Binance Coin (BNB) toyed with the psychological fortress of $600—alas, shy of this month’s lofty summit at $630, yet still 15% higher than the pits of despair found earlier in the month. One cannot help but feel the cruel irony: a coin’s journey is no less tragic than a man’s, forever balancing hope and defeat.