Bitcoin, that touted marvel, slumped a paltry seven percent. Ethereum, not far behind, lost nearly twelve! And the lesser coins – Cardano, Dogecoin – why, they plummeted like a disgraced official from a high office, losing over twenty percent each! The cries of anguish, one imagines, were quite audible.
Behold the numbers! $45.8 trillion in pensions, enough to buy every avocado on Earth. Now, should Morgan Stanley’s 16,000 scribes (armed with spreadsheets and existential dread) whisper sweet markdowns into clients’ ears, the Bitcoin markets shall rise and fall like a disgruntled puppet. Institutions, dear reader, are not human. Institutions are forces of nature with a 401(k) obsession.
Friday, a day that began with the usual ennui of the markets, spiraled into chaos when Trump declared his 100% tariff. Prices cascaded lower in a flash crash, leaving traders clutching their ledgers and weeping into their tea. ☕️
Crypto analyst John Squire is basically playing the role of the hype man here, reposting Gilbertie’s praise for XRP on X (aka Twitter, but cooler, I guess). In his interview, Gilbertie went full-on “this is the crypto you actually want in your portfolio” mode, explaining why Teucrium went all in on XRP. And nope, it wasn’t because they’ve been sipping the crypto Kool-Aid-he actually thinks it’s a *game-changer*.
Oh, the drama! The Russian Central Bank has finally agreed to let a few lucky commercial banks dabble in the mystical world of crypto. But don’t get too excited! These “select” banks will be tightly shackled by a new web of regulations-because why not modernize finance, but with a dash of bureaucratic caution? This surprising twist comes after increasing pressure from Russia’s financial sector. They are trying to play catch-up with the rest of the world, while still clinging to their conservative crypto policy like a toddler with their blankie. 💼💰
Machado, that outspoken dame who’s been shouting from the rooftops about decentralized finance and those shiny digital doodads, was always destined to be the first “Bitcoin Nobel” laureate. Seriously, folks-she’s been hawking crypto as the magical lifeline for folks trapped in Venezuela’s financial freak show, where the government plays Monopoly with real money. Boom! 💥
Yet, the structural implications, they whisper, could be historic. Historic, you say? Like the fall of Rome, or perhaps the great potato famine? 🥔🌋 Oh, the drama of it all!
For the first two months, every dime from these vaults will be sent straight to the defense funds for the creators of Tornado Cash. Consider it a crypto Robin Hood move-except instead of stealing from the rich, they’re just hoping to keep developers out of jail. 🍀
Tony reckons Bitcoin’s price is coiled like a spring, ready to either shoot for the stars or plummet into the abyss. “100 days,” he declares, with the gravitas of a soothsayer reading chicken entrails. “That’s how long we’ve got before the fireworks start.” And what fireworks they’ll be! Volatility, he warns, will be higher than a dwarf on a ladder. 🧨
And here we are, in this brave new world where a live streaming platform arrives with a promise to “revolutionize” how we engage with decentralized finance (DeFi). Enter Based Streams, which emerges, as if from nowhere, on the Hyperliquid exchange, under the careful sponsorship of Ethena Labs. Now, traders can share their every (potentially disastrous) move with the world, in real-time. And naturally, this display of trading genius is all backed by the blockchain. Because, of course, nothing says “trustworthy” like a ledger we can never erase. 🧐