Their scholarly treatise expounds upon a system so refreshingly complicated that one can scarcely imagine how many quavering minions are required to keep it afloat. But do rejoice: this scheme might allow elaborate Bitcoin smart contracts to prance about in a more “capital-efficient” manner. Delightful, is it not? They claim it’s also rather thrifty in computing terms—because who doesn’t love pinching digital pennies?
The frenzied upswing propelled the daily RSI (relative strength index) into the overbought zone, hinting that the rally might be due for a breather. Meanwhile, the OBV (On Balance Volume) made a valiant recovery from April’s lows but stumbled at the 91B resistance. How dramatic. 🎭
JPMorgan Chase casually reported $45.3 billion, marking a modest 9% increase. Sure, they’re huge, but sometimes size isn’t everything, right? 😉
Over the next eight years, Ripple expects this space to spike to almost $19 trillion in volume.
Our dear Adam Schiff, a Senator hailing from the sun-kissed lands of California, has proclaimed his intent to delve into the murky waters of insider trading allegations that have surfaced following President Trump’s rather theatrical announcement of a pause in the reciprocal tariff policy. Ah, the drama!
In a surprisingly democratic twist, Binance let the community vote on which new tokens deserve the spotlight. Three champs emerged victorious from this crypto brawl: Ondo (ONDO), Big Time (BIGTIME), and Virtuals Protocol (VIRTUAL). It’s like they’ve won the most dramatic pageant ever—complete with digital tiaras, of course.
He went on (in true party-pooper fashion) to announce (with surprising confidence) that the very thing which gave Bitcoin its birth — a global financial crisis — will also deliver its final dramatic exit. Naturally, he’s thrilled about the prospect.
Martinez, addressing his throng of 135,000 eager souls on the social media circus known as X, candidly points out the ominous “death cross” looming over our electronic currencies. This beguiling term, for those unacquainted with the cryptographic lexicon, describes the rather tragic event when the 50-day moving average deigns to dip below the 200-day average—an unmistakable sign that the market might be in a rather precarious state. Who needs horror films when you have crypto? 📉
Now, you might think that 4,000 ETH doesn’t sound like a terrible drop from 4,500 ETH, but let me tell you, dear reader, that loss of nearly $10 million is enough to make a grown man weep into his whiskey. This unfortunate soul’s plight is largely due to the value of ETH shrinking faster than a politician’s promises in an election year. 📉
Ethereum, never one to be outshone, trails not far behind in this grand folly. Around 183,468 ETH options, amounting to a mere $283.6 million, are also facing their expiration. A put-to-call ratio of 0.92 suggests a slightly more balanced, dare I say, less thrilling, outlook. The maximum pain point for these ethereal contracts is a paltry $1,700. As fate would have it, both BTC and ETH languish below these lofty heights—at $80,622 and $1,543 respectively. Such a tragedy! Or perhaps just a comedy of errors. 😂
