“We shall meet, in due course,” Trump intoned to Maria Bartiromo, his voice a blend of presidential gravitas and the unshakable confidence of a man who once mastered the art of closing deals over breakfast. “A man of strength, Xi,” he mused, “a tale worthy of cinema-though I suspect the scriptwriters might have taken a sabbatical from reality.”
As of Sunday, Pi’s value was a bleak $0.2040. That’s a drop of more than 90% from its peak, making it one of the industry’s most impressive slide dives-like cirque du soleil, but less graceful and more tragic.
Sonic, a blockchain that’s been growing like a weed in a garden full of techies, is now live and kicking on Circle Gateway. What’s Circle, you ask? Oh, just the crypto platform that’s been handing out USDC like candy at a Halloween party. Now, with this new link, you get a smooth, unified liquidity highway across supported blockchains. No more waiting around in traffic. This, my friends, is a big step forward, and it’s happening *right now*.
The Spot Market has witnessed an increase of £5.49 million, a development that may suggest a cautious optimism, though one must not be too hasty in their expectations. The Funding Rates, now negative, hint at a delicate balance between hope and trepidation. 💸
Imagine, if you will, a noble hound, long confined to its kennel, now stretching its limbs and preparing for the hunt. Dogecoin, after months of sideways sauntering, shows signs of renewed vigor. Analysts, those modern-day soothsayers, predict a breakout from its multi-year triangle formation-a pattern so grand, it could only be devised by the gods of finance themselves! As of mid-October 2025, our dear DOGE hovers around $0.188, consolidating in the $0.18-$0.22 range, a modest 5% weekly gain, according to the wise sages at Yahoo Finance.
The daily chart paints a dramatic arc. After peaking near $126,272 earlier in October, bitcoin nosedived to $103,530, slicing nearly 18% in days. This aggressive correction was no silent slip-volume surged at the lows, hinting at a bout of panic selling, as if traders had collectively forgotten how to spell “patience.” Recent candles are playing coy, showing smaller bodies and indecision. Translation: the bears are tired, and the bulls are peeking through the curtains, muttering, “Is this thing on?” Momentum and commodity channel index (CCI) indicators both suggest the potential for a rebound, with momentum sitting at -13,883 and the CCI at -109. Bullish divergence? More like bullish “let’s pretend we’re not scared.”
Imagine, dear reader, a machine-cold, unfeeling, and devoid of the trivial burdens of morality-unraveling the very fabric of trust we so naively wove into our digital ledgers. 🤖💥 Such is the future awaiting blockchains should AI, in its infinite curiosity, decide to test its prowess against our cryptographic fortresses. And as for quantum computing? Picture a guillotine, sharpened by physicists, dangling above the neck of every decentralized dreamer. 🤯
Dearest reader, in this most diverting edition of our weekly recap, we find ourselves amidst a tempest of financial intrigue and regulatory meddling. While the good people of the UK are pursued by tax authorities with the zeal of a matchmaking mama, the Trump family has, quite astonishingly, amassed over a billion pounds in cryptocurrency … Read more
Behold, Japan, that land of cherry blossoms and crypto fervor: over twelve million accounts yawning open, a 3.5-fold multiplication in mere five years-a testament not to wisdom, but to the insatiable greed that devours us all. 🚀💸
The Dramatic Details:
