This ETF, which promises to double the daily returns of XRP (because apparently, regular returns are for amateurs), has already secured its place in the top 5% of ETF launches. Not bad for a product that’s essentially a financial version of “hold my beer.”
House Bill 487, a document that could either be a stroke of genius or a recipe for financial disaster, is set for a public hearing on Wednesday, April 10, in the Insurance & Banking Subcommittee. It was added to the agenda on April 8, presumably after someone said, “Why not?” and everyone else nodded in agreement. 🤷♂️
In a memo that looked as if it were scribbled during a particularly hectic cup of tea, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche announced that the notorious NCET was disappearing faster than a city watchman on a hot day. Formed in 2022 to chase down crypto miscreants involved in dubious digital dealings, the team now vanishes like an overenthusiastic street magician’s prop.
In an act as precise as a Nabokovian dance of fate, the Senate has scheduled an early cloture vote at 11:30 a.m. ET on April 9. Like a fleeting moment in a mischievous dream, should this performance win the day, a final confirmation vote may follow that very evening—allowing Atkins to meander into power amid bureaucratic winks and ironic chuckles. 😂
Digital payments aren’t the future — they’re the default.
We’re making sure anyone, anywhere can plug in 🔗
Since the discomfiting declarations of President Trump concerning reciprocal import tariffs on April 2, the financial markets have resembled a rather wild ball, with record-breaking sell-offs in the traditional spheres and Bitcoin taking a genteel dip beneath the illustrious sum of $75,000. 🙄
As China scrambles to protect its beloved yuan from being battered into oblivion by the relentless wave of tariffs, there’s an odd side effect: Bitcoin is gaining attention faster than a cat in a room full of laser pointers. On April 9th, the People’s Bank of China—clearly not a fan of currency instability—told major Chinese banks to dial back on their U.S. dollar purchases. Apparently, the idea is to support the yuan’s pitiful attempts to remain afloat. Talk about a ‘do or die’ moment!
In my long observations of human nature, I’ve never witnessed such a fascinating phenomenon – grown men and women, trembling with anticipation as they unwrap these boxes, their faces betraying that peculiar mixture of hope and fear that so characterizes our species. How amusing! 😄
So, here’s the scoop: if you’ve got some of that good ol’ USDT lying around, you can swap it out for LDUSDT on their Simple Earn Flexible Product. This means you can trade futures while feeling all warm and fuzzy knowing that you might actually earn a bit more than just bragging rights!
Indeed, this whimsical scenario is not a figment of a fevered imagination but a glimpse into a future where human therapists might find themselves charging less than a cup of coffee for their services. Why? Because, as a recent study in the esteemed New England Journal of Medicine reveals, AI bots, when properly trained, can rival or even surpass their human counterparts in the realm of mental health. Who knew that a chatbot could be the new Freud?
