And with this shiny new approval, Moonpay can now legally grace every corner of the Empire State with their crypto offerings, completing their grand tour of the United States. Yes, folks, that’s right—Moonpay is now permitted to serve customers in all 50 states. No more gaps, no more missed opportunities. They’re everywhere, like a well-dressed phantom of the digital world. 🌍
But wait, it gets better. The altcoins, those sprightly little siblings of BTC, have taken an even harder fall. AVAX, UNI, HYPE, XMR, ENA – basically, every coin that doesn’t have “Bitcoin” in its name is looking rather glum at the moment. Think of them as the ones who show up to the party, only to find the snacks are all gone and the music stopped playing. 🍿💸
На голубом экране — разнос слов о необходимости ясных правил. Впрочем, что за правила — непонятно! Мол, без правил — хаос и мошенничество, как в древности — приговор. В этот момент кажется, что у наших героев есть одна мечта: написать священный свиток, в котором будут все заповеди для крипты. Вот только кто их писать будет? И кто их читать будет? Ну, да бог с ними, пусть болтают. А между тем, у нового руководства SEC есть план: придумать правила для issuing, storing и trading — прямо как в детской игре, только с миллионами в кармане. 🤡
And surprise, surprise—despite the fear index staying comfortably at 55 (which is about as exciting as watching paint dry), everyone is nervously glancing around. So, what on earth has triggered this mini-market meltdown?
On the mysterious realm of on-chain whispers, Santiment’s oracle spilled secrets about the “Supply Distribution,” revealing that the giants—those holding between 10 and 10,000 BTC—have been busy cramming their coffers. Who are these titans? Think of them as the elephants in the digital jungle, stomping around with wallets heavy with potential.
On June 4, the California House decided to flex its legislative muscles and approved Assembly Bill 1052, AKA “We Can Steal Your Crypto If You’re Lazy.” The law states that if you don’t show “ownership interest” in your crypto for a whopping three years, the state can swoop in and confiscate it. Because apparently, they’re aaall about that digital redistribution life. 💸
Imagine this: turn your Grandma’s antique vase or that crumbling brick mansion into shiny tokens that whirl around in the relentless dance of on-chain chaos. But beware! To partake, you must possess at least 100,000 COLLAT tokens, jump through the hoops of KYC/KYB, and submit endless papers about your assets—because simplicity is overrated. 🤡
The market, that ever-capricious lady, has turned her back. Its vanished crown, a mere $7.94 million now, while the volume—ah, that devil—spiked 127%, but not out of desire, no—out of mere panic, like a flock of hens frightened by the wolf’s shadow.
We’re supposedly wrapping up the climatic final year of the four-year crypto saga. Yet, hilarious thing—corporate giants are buying Bitcoin like it’s on sale. Meanwhile, the price? So dull it could be mistaken for watching paint dry. 🎨
“I meant it as a joke but deleted it because I was afraid some might take it seriously,” Schwartz explained, possibly while chuckling into his coffee. Or maybe crying into it — hard to tell with these crypto people. ☕️