Gold, the ultimate drama queen, surged over 2% on Wednesday to top $3,300 per ounce, setting a new record high. Meanwhile, the dollar is looking weaker than my resolve to avoid chocolate, and Nasdaq futures are hinting at a very bad day for Wall Street. 📉💸
Enter Whale Alert, the self-appointed watchdog of the crypto seas, always ready to blow the whistle on any suspiciously large transactions. This time, they caught wind of a transfer so massive it could make Scrooge McDuck blush. Two anonymous wallets exchanged a cool 131,000,000 XRP, worth a mere $273,945,648. Pocket change, really. 😏
With a flourish of conviction, Zeberg proclaims that the central banks, those guardians of fiscal stability, will not remain passive as the storm clouds gather. Nay, they shall unleash a torrent of monetary easing, a veritable deluge of freshly minted currency, which could set ablaze a rally among risk assets, particularly the ever-volatile Bitcoin and its merry band of cryptocurrencies. 💸
Despite its 2021 crypto ban—a decree as effective as a paper umbrella in a monsoon—China has been quietly offloading its Bitcoin stash like a secretive art dealer. By the end of 2023, local governments were sitting on 15,000 Bitcoin, worth a cool $1.4 billion. Who knew crime could be so profitable? 💰 Reports suggest they’ve already sold 194,000 Bitcoin, raking in a staggering $16 billion. Move over, Wall Street; China’s the new crypto kingpin. 👑
Espressif Systems, in their wisdom, crafted the ESP32 as a low-power microcontroller, adorned with Bluetooth and Wi-Fi like a dandy with ribbons and lace. Its affordability and versatility have made it a darling of lightweight devices, such as Blockstream’s Jade wallet and those whimsical do-it-yourself hardware wallet projects. A veritable peasant among princes, if you will. Its simplicity and ease of integration invite experimentation, much like a forbidden romance. ❤️
Still, the whole crypto market is up 8% over seven days, hovering around $2.7 trillion—a number so big, Tom Sawyer would find a way to trade it for a fence whitewash.
In a move that proves the UAE is as forward-thinking as someone who just bought the latest iPhone and immediately regrets it, the Central Bank has given a thumbs-up to Web3 insurance solutions developed by Relm Insurance and Liva Insurance. These products, SIGMAWEB3 and SIGMAWEB3 VARA (for companies regulated by the Virtual Assets Regulatory Authority, or VARA – because why not make it sound more official?), offer coverage for those shiny, unpredictable digital assets. Think crypto, blockchain, and all the other fintech stuff that makes your brain hurt just trying to understand it. 🧠💸
Enter the sage of the charts, Peter Brandt, a veteran trader whose skepticism is as sharp as a winter’s chill. He stands, arms crossed, unconvinced by the recent jubilation. To him, the breach of a trendline—a moment many traders heralded as a bullish anthem—is but a whisper in the cacophony of market noise.
Dubbed “Liberation Day” – a name so ironically grandiose it could only be dreamed up by the politically whimsical – the policy set a baseline 10% tariff on all foreign goods, with a staggering 145% rate on products from China. It was, of course, framed as a noble quest to fix long-standing trade imbalances and protect national industries. One can only imagine the champagne toasts that followed.
Meanwhile, across the Pacific, Metaplanet Inc., a Japanese enterprise that sounds suspiciously like a sci-fi movie title, is embarking on a quest to raise a mere $10 million through the issuance of 0% bonds. One can only imagine the boardroom discussions: “Let’s buy more Bitcoin!” they must have exclaimed, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, like ordering a second round of cocktails at a particularly uninspired dinner party.