The week after bitcoin ( BTC) vaulted past the $126,000 mark, both metals climbed in tandem, fueled by the debasement trade and a dash of safe-haven appetite amid U.S.-China trade jitters and a softening dollar. Who would’ve thought? Even gold and silver are swept up in the drama of it all.
Enter US Secretary Bessent, who’s basically the human version of a “breaking news” alert. China’s “ready” to make a deal, which is just code for “we’re tired of your nonsense.” 🤷♂️ Trump’s 100% tariff? Let’s just say it’s the financial equivalent of a toddler’s tantrum.
They whisper tales of Bitcoin as “digital gold,” a bulwark against the ravenous beast of inflation. Like some shiny trinket to ward off hardship. But these fine gentlemen at NYDIG, they’ve poked and prodded the beast…and found the shiny trinket is mostly air.
The performance narrative of this digital spectacle whispers tales of one of 2025’s most enthralling presales, nurtured by numerical novelties and the sheer utility of utilitarian madness. 🎲
Bitcoin pulls off a stunning move as it breezes through the $112,000 resistance-volatility has never been so thrilling.
Apparently, Jane Street is playing it cool, claiming they’re just passively eyeing the miners-like a snooping neighbor who politely signals whether he’s watching from behind the curtains or actually planning to sneak in. No activist ambitions here, just a humble nod of confidence, or maybe a wager that Bitcoin’s rollercoaster might be worth a ride. The stakes-about 5% in each of these mining companies-are like a whisper compared to the roaring markets, but enough to make traders jittery and analysts squint.
The amended complaint, a document birthed from the cold logic of the New York federal court, alleges that Chow, alongside his co-conspirators at Kelsier Ventures (managed by the Davis clan – a family, one suspects, with an appetite for both risk and, perhaps, the finer things in life), exploited the good names – or at least the public recognition – of persons of considerable stature. The First Lady of the United States, Mrs. Melania Trump, and the energetic President Milei of Argentina, were, shall we say, utilized. Their images, their endorsements (or perhaps merely their association) lent a veneer of legitimacy to schemes designed to separate fools from their crypto. 🤦♀️ It is a modern tragedy, the exploitation of public trust for the sake of… well, for the sake of more tokens.
By Shayan, the soothsayer of crypto charts
Polymarket, the prediction market that’s apparently too cool to rush things, is finally getting around to launching a token and an airdrop. CMO Matthew Modabber, while presumably sipping artisanal blockchain tea, explained on the Degenz Live podcast that they could have done this ages ago, but why hurry when you can drag it out like a Netflix season finale?
So the crypto economy decided to throw a tantrum this week. Gained $100B, lost $100B, then casually recovered to $3.83 trillion. Net gain: 3.5%. Exciting stuff. Like watching paint dry, but with more emojis. 🎨
