Now, this isn’t just any old upgrade. No, sir! This change comes after a chorus of feedback from the ecosystem, which, let’s be honest, was about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. The initial liquidity program, aimed at memecoins, decentralized finance, artificial intelligence, and gaming tokens, was like a pie in the sky—delicious in theory but a bit soggy in practice. 🥧
Roman Golovchenko, who sounds like the guy you’d call when your printer jams but is actually the chairman of Belarus’ National Bank, told the state-run news agency Belta that the digital ruble will be out and about by the second half of 2026. “Out and about” meaning you can actually use it, assuming you’re still awake by then.
The squeeze is a whisper before the roar, the prelude to a spectacle where prices may either soar, defying gravity like a poet’s wild imagination, or plunge, leaving hopeful holders clutching shards of shattered dreams. With meme coin sentiment fluttering like restless butterflies, BONK’s next pirouette could be an ode to glory—or a tragicomic stumble.
“Ah, Bitcoin tries once more to plant its flag atop that $85,000 hill,” mused the seer. “Should it succeed, not only shall strength be proclaimed in all corners of the digital realm, but a merry chase toward the mythical $90,000 kingdom shall follow.”
Crypto gurus have been doing their homework, and guess what? Data from Cryptorank suggests that July has been kind to XRP in the past. In fact, it’s been like the fairy godmother of altcoins. Each of the last five Julys saw some jaw-dropping gains for XRP! Now, if history repeats itself, this summer could be hotter than a fresh batch of pancakes!
The rules? Choose your weapon: copy trade like a scholarly parrot or unleash trading bots that buzz like mechanical bees over honey pots. Battle arenas are threefold: Profit and Loss (the eternal sorrow and occasional joy), Return on Investment (the elusive siren of finance), and trading volume (because size matters, apparently). A witty bonus: speculate on which merry band of traders will triumph and pocket a slice of the spoils.
The idea first peeked out from the shadows late last month when Guerra veered off-script at the inauguration of the “Competitive Brazil Front.” Instead of the usual legislative lullabies, he called for lawmakers to scrutinize Bitcoin with as much gusto as they assign to tax reform. Imagine, a parliament suddenly interested in something besides coffee breaks and parking disputes. The echoes ricocheted—no doubt waking a few wary bureaucrats and crypto fanatics alike.
“The burnin’ plan’s just about ready to hit the spotlight,” Mullin says, all solemn like. “Buyback’s running full steam too. We’re burnin’ the midnight oil for the Sherpas and OMies alike.”
Rumor has it that Trump is ready to fire Jerome Powell and hire Kevin Warsh. Why? Because Powell has apparently failed to lower interest rates in the way Trump wants. It’s kind of like when you get a disappointing pizza delivery, and you blame the delivery guy. But I digress. According to the Wall Street Journal, Trump’s about to make the big move — and Warsh, who’s been known to say some nice things about crypto in the past, is on the shortlist. 🤔
Now, brace yourself, for since this bold move, the company’s stock has risen by nearly 2,500%. Yes, you read that right—two thousand five hundred percent. Meanwhile, Nvidia (NVDA), which apparently became the crown jewel of the AI boom, has managed a paltry 808%. Oh, the tragedy of only 808%! A truly hard life. Let’s not forget, Bitcoin itself surged by 614% after Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy) decided to make it the corporate treasure. And Tesla, that electric car giant, also managed a humble 155%. A real underdog story, isn’t it?
