Currency Forecast

Since mid-July, Bitcoin’s been dragging itself sideways like a drunk trying to find his way home. Friday’s new low at $114,400 smacked the bottom of its bull flag harder than a Friday night bar brawl. Now it’s wobbling back toward that point, and investors? Well, they’re sweating like pigs at a bacon convention. 🥓

On the first day of August, Valereum announced its grand plan to raise £500,000 by issuing approximately 16.12 million ordinary shares. The proceeds, they assure us, will be used to establish a Bitcoin (BTC) Treasury, as well as to fuel the company’s expansion, platform rollout, and market entry. Because, you know, who doesn’t want to dive headfirst into the world of cryptocurrency?

And now, Visa, with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, wants a slice of that tasty crypto pie. They’ve announced a big expansion to support stablecoins and blockchains, because why not? Will this be a game-changer? Who knows! But it sure makes for some interesting cocktail party chatter.

And wait for it—Grayscale’s filing boldly announces a 2.5% annual fee, payable in none other than SOL—yes, the fees are getting personalized now. It’s like paying your barista in bitcoin but with a sprinkle of irony. Meanwhile, CoinShares, not to be outdone, has registered its Solana Staking ETF in Delaware, because why not add a little state charm to your crypto adventure? This June 10, 2025, date is practically a national holiday for the blockchain enthusiasts.

Now, here’s a curious thing: the unrealized profit, which keeps track of the theoretical gains for those stubborn holders who haven’t sold yet, is still lagging behind its 2024 peak. Even though ETH is flirting with its old highs, Glassnode swears this gap means there’s more room to rise, provided the market doesn’t throw a tantrum and decide to rain on the parade.

Their secret? A hoard of 628,791 BTC, purchased for $46 billion, now worth $72.7 billion. Ah, the whimsy of numbers! 📈💸 Phong Le, their president, declares it a triumph of strategy, while Andrew Kang, the CFO, proclaims it a miracle of the markets. And Michael Saylor, that crypto bard, chants for a taxonomy of digital assets—as if the world needed more labels for its madness! 📜🤡

In the recent Q2 earnings, Robinhood revealed a dizzying dance of numbers—trading volumes skyrocketed in stocks, options, and crypto alike. Apparently, retail investors are still alive, kicking, and apparently, quite busy amid market turbulence, soaring interest rates, and tariff-induced chaos. Who knew? 🚀💥

It seems our brave financial hero, perched upon the peak of Bitcoin’s latest avalanche—now climbing past $123,000—decided to flaunt a profit that would make a miser blush. After years of loss, of lamenting the cow’s milk gone sour, Strategy has finally caught the wind in its sails and announced a triumphant return to profitability, as if woke from a long and miserable nightmare. Talk about a plot twist! ✨

According to a post on X (formerly Twitter, now just confusing), Solv’s vault takes your Bitcoin and puts it to work—like a stage mom in DeFi, CeFi, and even “tokenized real-world asset strategies” (which is code for: it does stuff you don’t want to read about in the fine print).

Payments giant Visa announced on July 31 that it is extending its stablecoin settlement infrastructure by integrating more digital currencies and blockchain networks, a move aimed at scaling global payment capabilities. The company confirmed: