Currency Forecast

According to the ever-reliable CEO Brian Armstrong—who, unlike most CEOs, has mastered the art of casually flaunting billion-dollar acquisitions in a single X (formerly Twitter) post—Coinbase added more than 2,500 BTC in Q2 of 2025. Rumor has it, they’re planning to keep stacking ‘em, because who needs sleep when you’re busy collecting digital gold? Their average purchase price? A modest $740 million—a figure that, at current market prices, makes their paper gains over half a billion dollars. Planning to make it rain, Coinbase? Looks like it. 🌧️💸

Hyperliquid is basically the sad puppy of the crypto world today, dropping 9.35% in just 24 hours to trade at $39.35. Over the past week, it’s lost 7.90%. Ouch! But hey, at least it’s hanging on with a market cap of $13.1 billion. Guess it’s hard to stay liquid when you’re drowning in a pool of red. 🐶

Chairman Atkins, armored with both rhetoric and PowerPoint, addressed the multitudes—by which I mean an audience more restless than rapt—speaking of Project Crypto, a name almost too stylish for government work. With cautious pride and perhaps a suppressed smile, he declared his intent to make America not just great, but the crypto capital of a world perpetually on the edge of a server crash. “Long live the Golden Age!” he exclaimed, invoking President Trump’s vision. “Our digital asset economy will shine, provided we can decipher our own guidelines.”

La Financial Conduct Authority a annoncé le 1er août que les investisseurs particuliers au Royaume-Uni auront accès aux notes d’échange cryptographiques à partir du 8 octobre, mais uniquement celles cotées sur des bourses approuvées par la FCA. 🎉🔒

The UN just published a revised version of the System of National Accounts (SNA), which formally incorporates Bitcoin and other qualified crypto-assets into national wealth statistics. It may not seem like much, but recognition on this level from the UN should do wonders for crypto adoption long-term. 🚀

This whole story’s been longer than a sitcom rerun. Ripple’s out, penalty paid, but the SEC? Still hanging in there, probably sipping coffee and pretending they’re busy. The real kicker? The court says, “Hey, by August 15, 2025, you gotta tell us what’s up.” Like some sad high school deadline, but instead of a report card, it’s legal doom or glory. 📅

Meanwhile, in a twist of fate that would make Kafka blush, the developing world is supposed to rejoice as stablecoins “lift them from poverty” 🎩✨. Institutional investors, DeFi enthusiasts, and your average Joe are all allegedly queuing up to join this brave new financial circus. But what could possibly go wrong?

Make no mistake; this isn’t idle salon chatter between courses of roast quail. For years, Dimon wagged a disapproving finger, dismissing crypto as a child might the mathematics master. But now? He endorses dollar-pegged tokens. Not due to a sudden, inconvenient romance with algorithms, but because his clients—all 21st-century Gatsby aspirants—are simply too demanding to ignore. The man, ever practical, has thrown his signature into the ledger. Perhaps the allure of stablecoins is stronger than that of traditional banking hats.

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Injective (INJ) tried to break out of its ascending triangle pattern, reaching a peak of $16.35 on July 28, but alas, it lost its momentum and took a nosedive to $12.80, slipping beneath the 20-day EMA. Poor thing, it must have had a bad day! 🤕