Currency Forecast

Earlier that selfsame Tuesday, the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs—a body whose name alone is enough to induce a yawn of epic proportions—unveiled a discussion draft of digital asset market structure legislation. A thrilling read, no doubt, for those whose idea of a page-turner involves footnotes and legalese. Lummis, who chairs the Subcommittee on Digital Assets (a title that sounds like something dreamed up by a particularly ambitious bureaucrat), is part of the larger committee led by South Carolina’s Tim Scott. “The American people delivered a decisive mandate for President Trump and a Republican Senate majority to implement this agenda – we cannot let them down,” the release proclaims, with all the subtlety of a brass band at a funeral. 🎺

In 2021, he secured a seat via auction, parting with 28 million dollars to fund 19 charities. Yet, a scheduling conflict—read: a cosmic rendezvous with destiny—prevented his attendance. One wonders if the universe itself conspired to delay his grand debut.

Bitcoin, that fickle lover, is flirting with the abyss at $120,000, but the bears, those relentless wolves, have failed to drag the price below $115,000, leaving the bulls triumphant. 🐺💥

On July 21st, no less, GameSquare unveiled its audacious expansion of the crypto treasury program to a staggering $250 million, complete with a rather cheeky $10 million earmarked for an utterly novel NFT yield strategy. This comes on the heels of a sumptuous $30 million purchase of Ether (ETH), bringing their grand total to over 10,000 tokens. Talk about a digital token party!

The grand launch of this “retro-futuristic” sanctuary of cholesterol was marked by Musk’s trademark extravaganza. A clock struck 4:20 p.m.—a time no less than auspicious in the lexicon of popular culture—while robots dutifully tended to the popcorn machines as if they were artisans of the highest order. Behold, even trays shaped like Cybertrucks graced the well-oiled machines of consumerism!

Folks are scared. Always are. Money’s funny that way. When things get shaky in one place, people start lookin’ for a place to hide their earnings. Bitcoin, they’re callin’ it “Digital Gold.” Sounds fancy. Sounds like somethin’ a fella could hold onto when the banks are lookin’ a little too eager. It’s gettin’ popular with folks who figure their money’s gonna get eaten up by inflation, or just plain disappear when a country decides to do a little financial rearrangin’.

Analyst extraordinaire LSplayQ has dropped the tea: Bitcoin is climbing like it’s trying to win a gold medal in the “Pretend to Act Casual While You’re Peaking” Olympics. Trading now close to $118,000, it’s basically saying, “You thought I was done? Honey, please!” This confidence is like your bestie showing up to brunch with the hottest outfit—buying at ever-higher levels is the market’s way of shouting, “Yes, I do love myself!”

According to ARK Invest’s latest antics, they’ve poured their funds into BitMine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), a venture backed by Peter Thiel and helmed by Tom Lee, who’s clearly the human equivalent of a “trust fund baby with a PhD in optimism.” 🕵️♂️

And, bless their hearts, only 11% think it might just scrape past the $130,000 mark. A meager 3% think it’s headed for the heavens at $140,000, while a crystal-clear 1% has their head lost in the clouds at the thought of $150,000. As of Tuesday morn, Bitcoin floated languidly around $118,327, tiptoeing below its all-time high of $123,000 achieved last week. It seems that Bitcoin is playing hard to get! 🪙

Keiser, known for his bombastic takes and early Bitcoin evangelism (think of him as the lovechild of a prophet and a game show host), dubbed this maneuver “The Great Bifurcation.” 🌪️ Because, of course, when you’re Trump, you don’t just buy Bitcoin—you create a whole new economic schism. Keiser implies that Trump is essentially filling his pockets before the U.S. reserve fund gets its hands on any BTC. Classic Trump, or just a man who’s really good at Monopoly? You decide. 🎩