It had been four long months since Musk last invoked the spirit of Kekius Maximus, and his return was met with the kind of fervor usually reserved for a rockstar’s encore. The tweet, posted on a seemingly uneventful Wednesday night, coincided with a notable surge in the price of the PEPE meme coin. Coincidence? Perhaps. Or perhaps Musk has once again proven his uncanny ability to move markets with a single keystroke. 🎯
The whole market, that grand bazaar of digital trinkets, did feel the lift, swelling by seven percent to reach a total value of two trillion and six hundred billion! Bitcoin and Ethereum, those elder statesmen of the crypto-realm, did also post gains, thus setting off a ripple effect that did aid Litecoin in its audacious surge. Such fortune!
While the Official Trump (TRUMP) memecoin is lounging in its billion-dollar market cap, MELANIA is scraping the bottom of the crypto barrel with an FDV of about $515 million and a trading volume that’s more “meh” than “wow.” 💸
In a recent CNBC interview, the founder of Bridgewater Associates casually dropped a bombshell, saying he’s “very concerned” about the looming macroeconomic catastrophe that might just hit, and hit hard. Well, of course! When the country’s already juggling a mountain of issues, why not throw in some tariffs for good measure? 🤷♂️
So, what’s on the table? A military tax of 5% and an 18% rate on profits from virtual assets. That’s right, folks! While dodging missiles, you can also dodge your taxes—oh wait, no you can’t! The funds from this delightful little tax scheme are earmarked to support Ukraine during its ongoing Russian invasion. Talk about multitasking! 💪
And as if that weren’t enough to make your eyebrows raise, its trading volume has shot up by 90.30%. It’s like a rollercoaster ride that only goes up and makes you question your life choices. For the last two days, FartCoin has been basking in the warm glow of the top gainer list on CoinMarketCap. Can you even?
Weight: 165 lbs (v.g.)
Crypto Portfolio: 6 million USD (outstanding)
Calories: 2200
Votes in favor: 52 (decent)
Times delayed due to being married to billionaire: 3 (could be worse)
Bitcoin (BTC) is currently strutting its stuff like it’s on a runway, with short-duration charts flashing a pattern that’s the opposite of its January-February peak. Remember that? When it hit $109K and then promptly nosedived? Yeah, good times.
Weight: 130 lbs (v.g.)
Tariffs understood: 0 (poor)
Minutes spent pretending to understand economics: 45 (v. bad)
No. of times googled “What is Chamath”: 3 (better than yesterday)
XRP and ether (ETH), the crypto world’s dynamic duo, led the charge with a 12% surge, while Cardano’s ADA, BNB Chain’s BNB, Solana’s SOL, and dogecoin (DOGE) pranced about with a 10% increase. The overall market capitalization, ever the opportunist, rose 6%. The CoinDesk 20 (CD20), that barometer of crypto health, showed a 7% increase.