As I sit here in my dimly lit room, contemplating the absurdity of existence, XRP mocks us all at $2.19 – a seven-day peak that makes one question whether we’re all merely pawns in this cosmic joke! 🎭
He’s also reassured us that all customer assets are as safe as a cat in a sunbeam. “Multiple agencies have looked very closely at this,” he quipped, probably while sipping a latte. ☕️
In the vast theater of human endeavor, where market forces and fortunes entwine like the threads of destiny, the principal spirit of cryptocurrency has felt the reverberations of a conflict reminiscent of historic trade wars. The machinations of powerful men—reminiscent of stern generals of old—have left the market gasping for reprieve, allowing, at last, a moment for its actors to catch their breath.
Behind the velvet curtains of this grand stage, it is whispered that both parties have reached a tacit understanding regarding the broad strokes of a deal. They now await the internal approval from the SEC commissioners, those noble guardians of regulatory virtue, before they can proceed with a formal request to the district court. Should the commission cast their votes in favor, the case that has kept the crypto industry in a state of perpetual anxiety for years might finally be laid to rest. Oh, the sweet relief! 😅
Now, I reckon you’ve heard of them fancy newsletters over at Bitcoin.com. Been telling tales of economic warfare like mama used to tell bedtime stories.
Despite all this financial drama, Bitcoin’s, shall we say, “resilience” is apparently gaining attention. CryptoQuant, whoever they are, says that the big whales—you know, the people with so much Bitcoin they could probably buy a small island—haven’t cashed out yet. They’re actually accumulating! Apparently, this is similar to what happened in August–September 2023, which I vaguely remember as a time when I was more worried about finding decent avocados than cryptocurrency. This accumulation thing supposedly means long-term conviction, which I interpret as “they’re still delusional.”
“Gaming and gambling campaigns are the most expensive, with a median CPW of $8.74 and a lower quartile of $3.40,” quoth the sage Asaf Nadler, co-founder of the Web3 marketing firm Addressable, in a recent missive on X. CPW, or cost per wallet, is a metric of such lofty quality that it tracks the cost of visitors who have already installed their crypto wallets in the sacred confines of their browsers. 🤑
Now, let’s talk about the big revelation from Aave’s founder, Stani Kulechov. Apparently, Aave’s yield on EUR Coin has now surpassed the mighty fintech giants like Wise and Revolut, which—oh, the audacity—offer lower interest rates. Aave’s lenders can now pocket up to a respectable 3.28% APY, while Wise offers a humble 2.24% and Revolut a slightly better 2.59% (if you go for their Ultra plan). So much for that, right?
In a cozy Washington D.C. get-together on April 11, a bunch of policymakers, regulators, and very important people in nice suits (some wearing suspiciously trendy sneakers) gathered for the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission’s Crypto Task Force second roundtable. They called it “Between a Block and a Hard Place: Tailoring Regulation for Crypto Trading” (which sounds more like a detective novel than a policy session). This illustrious crypto task force is led by the ever-cheerful Commissioner Hester Peirce. 🙃
According to a new thread on X, formerly known as Twitter (because who needs consistency?), the Helium team is bragging that the SEC gave up on accusing them of, get this, violating securities laws. Securities laws! As if anyone in crypto even knows what those are. 🙄