Currency Forecast

Despite its 2021 crypto ban—a decree as effective as a paper umbrella in a monsoon—China has been quietly offloading its Bitcoin stash like a secretive art dealer. By the end of 2023, local governments were sitting on 15,000 Bitcoin, worth a cool $1.4 billion. Who knew crime could be so profitable? 💰 Reports suggest they’ve already sold 194,000 Bitcoin, raking in a staggering $16 billion. Move over, Wall Street; China’s the new crypto kingpin. 👑

Espressif Systems, in their wisdom, crafted the ESP32 as a low-power microcontroller, adorned with Bluetooth and Wi-Fi like a dandy with ribbons and lace. Its affordability and versatility have made it a darling of lightweight devices, such as Blockstream’s Jade wallet and those whimsical do-it-yourself hardware wallet projects. A veritable peasant among princes, if you will. Its simplicity and ease of integration invite experimentation, much like a forbidden romance. ❤️

Still, the whole crypto market is up 8% over seven days, hovering around $2.7 trillion—a number so big, Tom Sawyer would find a way to trade it for a fence whitewash.

In a move that proves the UAE is as forward-thinking as someone who just bought the latest iPhone and immediately regrets it, the Central Bank has given a thumbs-up to Web3 insurance solutions developed by Relm Insurance and Liva Insurance. These products, SIGMAWEB3 and SIGMAWEB3 VARA (for companies regulated by the Virtual Assets Regulatory Authority, or VARA – because why not make it sound more official?), offer coverage for those shiny, unpredictable digital assets. Think crypto, blockchain, and all the other fintech stuff that makes your brain hurt just trying to understand it. 🧠💸

Enter the sage of the charts, Peter Brandt, a veteran trader whose skepticism is as sharp as a winter’s chill. He stands, arms crossed, unconvinced by the recent jubilation. To him, the breach of a trendline—a moment many traders heralded as a bullish anthem—is but a whisper in the cacophony of market noise.

Dubbed “Liberation Day” – a name so ironically grandiose it could only be dreamed up by the politically whimsical – the policy set a baseline 10% tariff on all foreign goods, with a staggering 145% rate on products from China. It was, of course, framed as a noble quest to fix long-standing trade imbalances and protect national industries. One can only imagine the champagne toasts that followed.

Meanwhile, across the Pacific, Metaplanet Inc., a Japanese enterprise that sounds suspiciously like a sci-fi movie title, is embarking on a quest to raise a mere $10 million through the issuance of 0% bonds. One can only imagine the boardroom discussions: “Let’s buy more Bitcoin!” they must have exclaimed, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, like ordering a second round of cocktails at a particularly uninspired dinner party.

CryptoQuant, ever the buzzkill, points out that an important on-chain metric is suggesting that the party’s just not the same this time around. The percentage of Bitcoin held for a week to a month is way lower than usual. Translation: The wild, hair-on-fire rush of new investors, the ones who used to throw their money around like it was Monopoly cash, are nowhere to be found.

According to the filing, the company is seeking approval to issue a smorgasbord of securities in future offerings. Stocks, bonds, or other financial instruments—take your pick! The specifics, they say, will be detailed in supplemental filings as they’re rolled out. Because who doesn’t love a good cliffhanger? 🎢

Ah, Semler Scientific (Nasdaq: SMLR), the medical technology company that dreams big! They’ve announced plans to raise up to $500 million through a shelf registration to snatch up more bitcoin ( BTC). This revelation comes straight from an S-3 filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). The funds will fuel the company’s ongoing bitcoin accumulation strategy, which they adopted in May 2024. Talk about commitment! 💪