And here’s the kicker: Hoskinson’s all hyped up about the “ton of new people” flocking to Cardano because of this airdrop. You know, like when you toss a bunch of candy into a crowd, and suddenly everyone’s your best friend. But instead of candy, it’s tokens. I’m sure the crypto community is *thrilled*.
Short sellers, those poor deluded souls, have been trampled underfoot like so many daisies in a stampede, with $105 million in liquidations on Friday alone. Eric Trump, ever the wit, quipped that bearish traders shall be “run over” if they persist in their folly. One can almost hear the schadenfreude in his voice. Meanwhile, Ether has continued its rampage, liquidating over $200 million in the past 24 hours. What a bloodbath! 🩸📉
Coinbase’s timing borders on Kafkaesque. Revenues sag, spot trading falters, and so, in true bureaucratic fashion, a grandiose vision is presented: become the “everything exchange.” Which, if you recall, was the dream once held by every Ministry: prediction markets, tokenized equities, tokens as plentiful as ration coupons-until the inevitable crackdown.
Yet even as their stock teetered above $400 in July-now a distant memory, as it muddles in the $304 marsh-the wolves circle. Kraken and Robinhood, prodigal sons with wider menus and thinner fees, gnaw at Coinbase’s edges. Competition, like black bread, is never enough.
The Central Bank of Brazil has decided it’d rather ship something on time than end up in CIO magazine’s “Biggest Tech Face-Plants of the Decade.” Enter drex-the CBDC formerly known as “totally decentralized, pinky swear.” Forget tokenization; we’re going straight-up Server & Chill for Phase 1 launching next year (a.k.a. the distant land of 2026). 🕰️
XRP futures trading has gone absolutely bananas, vaulting past $12 billion in volume over 24 hours. Yes, you read that right-bananas. 🍌 This figure has left Solana’s $9.6 billion volume looking like chump change. Open interest, too, decided to join the party, climbing by 15% to reach $5.9 billion. It seems traders are treating this like a Black Friday sale for cryptocurrencies.
Last Friday, the security firm CertiK revealed that the CrediX team had disappeared without a trace following a recent exploit. The platform’s website went dark after the August 4 incident, and their official X account was promptly deleted, as if it were never there. 🕵️♂️❌
XRP falls 5% in the 24-hour period ending August 9, dropping from $3.34 to $3.20 before recovering to $3.30. The move spans a $0.17 range, marking 5.24% volatility. 🧐📉
Selling pressure peaks between 14:00-15:00, when price collapses from $3.36 to $3.20 on 209.67 million volume – the largest single-hour print of the session. 📊🚨
Buyers defend the $3.20 zone, triggering a rebound to $3.33 by 19:00. Resistance forms at $3.31-$3.33, with support locked at $3.20. 🏰💪
Citizen Armstrong, ex-grad-student-turned-exchange-czar, mounted the digital soap-box of X on August 7th and thundered allegory: We stand where Blockbuster once lounged on rented carpet-soon to be lapped by the Netflix of immutable ledgers. The statement did not mention late fees, but the ghost of due-date anxiety hovered.
Amina Bank, that paragon of financial prudence nestled in Zug, Switzerland, has unveiled its latest Crypto Market Monitor report, which reads like a thrilling novel of corporate finance. This esteemed institution, regulated by the Swiss Financial Market Supervisory Authority (FINMA), has taken the bold step of becoming the first bank to endorse the stablecoin Ripple USD (RLUSD) as of June 2025. One can only imagine the champagne corks popping in celebration!
From the bureaucratic labyrinths of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission-a place Dostoevsky would surely despise-comes a tale: Griffin’s noble band of financiers at Citadel swept up 3,824,329 shares in the house of NioCorp Developments Ltd (NB), purveyors of rare minerals destined to make the earth slightly less ordinary: niobium, scandium, titanium. Of course, none of these will help with the soul’s suffering (Leo’s hot take), but they might keep your smartphone from dying.