These here 40 million tokens amount to a full 20% boost in the tokens floatin’ around, all tucked away in wallets belonging to the team and that Trump-affiliated outfit called CIC DIGITAL.
Leading the parade of doom is Joel Ferreira de Souza, the so-called mastermind behind this crypto pyramid, who was hit with a whopping 128 years, 5 months, and 28 days in the slammer. And why? Well, because he thought it’d be a good idea to set up illegal financial operations with shell companies and informal crypto transactions. I guess his idea of ‘high returns’ was a bit… *too* high. 🚀💸
Ethereum gets called out “again”
Yet, lo and behold, Ethereum, that once-celebrated second-largest crypto, now finds itself as popular as a forgotten sock in the laundry of institutional investors. What a twist of fate! 🧦
By virtue of SB 1373, the state treasurer is granted the liberty to retain confiscated cryptocurrencies within the secure confines of a duly qualified custody scheme or perchance a state-registered exchange-traded product. Oh, and there’s the delightful notion that this treasurer might lend out these digital curiosities in hopes of generating yield — as one might lend a rare novel to a dear friend, but with promises of pecuniary returns. 🎩
On Good Friday, Bitcoin was trading at a modest $84,555. Up 13% from its annual low, which somehow translates to a market cap north of $1.68 trillion. Basically, enough to buy… well, a lot of Lambos. Despite a 10% loss for 2025, Bitcoin’s holding its own better than the Nasdaq 100 index, which slipped 13%. So, it’s the financial equivalent of that kid who got a B+ while everyone else flunked.
On the 17th of April, Nansen released a report that pretty much has the crypto world buzzing like a bee in a jar. The report details how the STABLE Act might just bless compliant issuers like Coinbase, PayPal, and Visa with the kind of riches that only regulation could deliver. Ah, the sweet scent of compliance… And regulation… How charming. 🙄
On this fateful day, April 18th, the excitement has reached a fever pitch with the unveiling of a new GameDev cipher. This update, dear friends, is not just a trifle; it unlocks powerful perks that would make even the most jaded gamer weep with joy! Imagine boosted loot drops, faster tapping speeds, and level progression that would make a cheetah blush. Staying abreast of these features is the key to not just surviving, but thriving in this digital jungle! 🐾
While the rest of us are clutching our pearls, technical analyst Cryptominder is out here buying XRP like he’s got a crystal ball—or maybe just a healthy dose of delusion. Other so-called experts are whispering hopes of $12-$15, but this guy’s aiming for $50 by 2030. Yup, that’s a jaw-dropping 2,330% jump from today’s boring $2-ish price, dreaming of 80% annual growth like it’s some kind of crypto mascot.
While the TAO token has, like, jumped nearly 10% in the past 24 hours, hitting a high of $259.68 (as if anyone actually knows what any of these numbers mean), it’s doing so under a cloud of controversy. A *darkening* cloud, mind you. As opposed to the usual, sunny, scam-free skies of cryptocurrency. 🌞