In a rather cheeky post on April 18, our gallant Soto-Wright implored Congress to “keep state-regulated issuers in the game.” How charming! He referenced the ongoing legislative ballet in both the House and Senate, where they are contemplating the GENIUS Act (yes, you heard that right) and the STABLE Act. One can only hope they don’t trip over their own feet! 💃
Under the proposed SB 1373, a Digital Assets Reserve Fund would be established, holding digital assets that have been confiscated during criminal investigations. This fund would be overseen by the state treasurer who has the authority to invest up to 10% of the total value of the fund in additional digital assets annually.
That’s right, they’re starting with the usual suspects – EUR/USD and GBP/USD. I know, how original. But hey, they’re *popular*, so Kraken’s just being pragmatic here. A little predictable, but who’s counting?
Enter Matthew Sigel, the grand maestro of digital assets research at VanEck, who shall orchestrate this new “Onchain Economy ETF.” He proclaims it shall hold a veritable cornucopia of 30 to 60 stocks, all tied to the whimsical world of crypto! 🤑
While other altcoins have fallen from grace as dramatically as a balalaika string snapping mid-song—some by as much as 98%—our dear BNB stands resilient, showing the stoicism of a Russian winter fir tree. This steadfastness has made it the darling of accumulators, even as the market weeps. According to the chronicles of Coinglass, a total liquidation of $97,300 has taken place: buyers claimed a modest $37,000 slice, while sellers fiddled away with about $60,000.
Now, this isn’t just any old upgrade. No, sir! This change comes after a chorus of feedback from the ecosystem, which, let’s be honest, was about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. The initial liquidity program, aimed at memecoins, decentralized finance, artificial intelligence, and gaming tokens, was like a pie in the sky—delicious in theory but a bit soggy in practice. 🥧
Roman Golovchenko, who sounds like the guy you’d call when your printer jams but is actually the chairman of Belarus’ National Bank, told the state-run news agency Belta that the digital ruble will be out and about by the second half of 2026. “Out and about” meaning you can actually use it, assuming you’re still awake by then.
The squeeze is a whisper before the roar, the prelude to a spectacle where prices may either soar, defying gravity like a poet’s wild imagination, or plunge, leaving hopeful holders clutching shards of shattered dreams. With meme coin sentiment fluttering like restless butterflies, BONK’s next pirouette could be an ode to glory—or a tragicomic stumble.
“Ah, Bitcoin tries once more to plant its flag atop that $85,000 hill,” mused the seer. “Should it succeed, not only shall strength be proclaimed in all corners of the digital realm, but a merry chase toward the mythical $90,000 kingdom shall follow.”
Crypto gurus have been doing their homework, and guess what? Data from Cryptorank suggests that July has been kind to XRP in the past. In fact, it’s been like the fairy godmother of altcoins. Each of the last five Julys saw some jaw-dropping gains for XRP! Now, if history repeats itself, this summer could be hotter than a fresh batch of pancakes!