In a dance choreographed with all the grace of a Dickens plot twist, Z Squared is to be swallowed whole by Coeptis (NASDAQ: COEP), trading its soul—along with a mere 9,000 U.S.-based dogecoin (DOGE) mining machines—for a bite of equity. You may indulge in the full particulars of this farce here, though I dare say it will disappoint those thirsting for stability in these strange times.
Reports—no less reliable than a Jeeves whistle—have it from that well-informed CryptoQuant, that as Bitcoin pirouetted upwards, those short-term holder (STH) supplies played a little game of peekaboo, popping back by around 70,000 BTC just in the past couple of days. What’s this? Why, it’s the classic waltz of long-term holders offloading to the greenhorns fresh to the dance floor. Yet, despite this subtle swap, the crowd remains quite enchanted, absorbing the extra supply without a hint of downward stumble. Bravo! 👏
Javon Marks, a crypto analyst who clearly enjoys making bold predictions, has shared his forecast with the world on X (formerly known as Twitter—because who needs a full name when you’re making money?). His prediction? Cardano could rally by an incredible 300%, if, and that’s a big “if,” it manages to break free from its current Falling Wedge pattern. Ah, the Falling Wedge: so ominous, yet so full of promise. It’s a technical chart pattern, darling, one that historically suggests a bullish reversal. Who doesn’t love a good reversal?
Atkins had a lot to say about digital assets, which, let’s be honest, is shorthand for “stuff that might make us rich or bankrupt faster than you can say NFT.” His tone was less “fear and loathing” and more “let’s maybe chill for a second.”
Four of these grumpy states—California, New Jersey, Maryland, and Wisconsin—have firmly wagged their fingers and shouted “No more staking for you!” by slapping Coinbase with cease-and-desist orders for new users. Washington just prefers to sulk quietly in the corner, suing away but letting staking happen like a spiteful ghost at a tea party.
The air is thick with optimism, mind you. Between bullish squiggles on those confounded charts, product launches that would make even Bertie’s Aunt Agatha crack a smile, and adoption numbers stretching like the waistbands after a Drones Club feast, traders are glued to XRP’s every twitch. And then there’s that Elliott Wave pattern, which sounds rather like a dance at the Drones Club but actually means the clever folks see a well-choreographed surge awaiting our plucky token.
Here’s the deal: the Fed’s recent announcement has officially yanked out those strict supervisory letters from 2022 and 2023, which had banks jumping through hoops to deal with crypto-assets. Imagine having to ask for permission every time you wanted to play with your toys — well, that’s what the old rules felt like! 😒 Banks had to send a fancy RSVP (aka get approval) from the Fed before engaging in any crypto shenanigans. But now? Pfft! Those rules are being tossed out the window. Bye-bye red tape! 🚀
From May 2024 to April 2025, the drop in value from OTC valuations to current market prices has been nothing short of tragic. On average, the fall is about 50%. Yes, you read that right – half of your investment, *gone* faster than a magician’s rabbit. 🐇💨
Jennifer Lee, Stripe’s very own Crypto Product Overlord, dropped the bombshell announcement on Friday. She’s asking companies outside the US (because, you know, the US companies are already pretty good at this whole money thing) to get in touch if they’re, and I quote, “interested in dollar access.” You know, just in case you haven’t figured out how to access a dollar on your own. 😊
