After what felt like an eternity (or four years, if you’re counting), the US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit decided to put everyone out of their misery by approving a joint motion to dismiss the case. It’s almost as if they realized the universe had better things to do. 🌌
Jerome Powell, the man who can move markets with a single word (or a slightly weird look), has once again worked his magic. After his speech, the crypto market flipped the switch to “bullish,” and BNB took off like a rocket, reaching $897. Clearly, BNB is now considered one of the top altcoins of this market cycle. And honestly, who could blame it? It’s just that good. 🤑
Our correspondent at the magical interwebs, Lawyer James Filan, announced the news on X (formerly Twitter, and possibly soon to be renamed to something less like algebra homework). Apparently, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit finally signed off as if to say, “Are we done yet?”
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According to Coinglass (a platform that sounds suspiciously like a video game cheat code), Ethereum led the charge with $248 million in liquidations, while Bitcoin trailed behind with a modest $87.65 million. Poor Bitcoin, always playing second fiddle to its flamboyant cousin. 🎸📉
Lo and behold! The numbers have spoken, and they speak in the language of obliteration. A cool $207 million vanished into thin air from short positions alone, leaving their long counterparts with a measly $40 million loss as consolation. Bulls stampeded over bears like a herd of caffeinated elephants, all thanks to a sudden upward surge across major assets. Truly poetic justice. 🐂
Yet, amidst this theatrical downturn, the crypto whales-those grand, elusive creatures of the deep-have been spotted accumulating select altcoins with a fervor that would make even the most ardent collector blush. Let us delve into this curious phenomenon.
On this fateful day, August 22, our illustrious Federal Reserve chair will deliver what is expected to be his last keynote at Jackson Hole. The stakes are higher than a tightrope walker at a circus, with political pressures, conflicting economic signals, and his impending departure next spring looming over us like a dark cloud. ☁️
If you want panic in graphs, look no further than Google Trends. Dreams of altcoin riches once bubbled up like moonshine on August 13, but after Ethereum’s nosedive, interest in ‘alt season’ toppled 88%, dropping faster than Grandpa’s hat in the wind. The whole affair gently coincides with the price of Ethereum deciding to try out gravity for a change. 🪂
Matthew Galeotti, the Acting Assistant Attorney General from the DOJ’s criminal division, made this earth-shattering announcement at the American Innovation Project Summit in Jackson, Wyoming. He boldly proclaimed that the DOJ is moving away from charging developers simply for failing to register as a money transmitter. “Merely writing code, without ill intent, is not a crime,” he said. Well, thank goodness for that, or I guess all programmers would be in jail by now. 💻💥